Judge — September 24, 1898 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE WRONG HOUSE. Po FJNCLE DUNCAN, after ninety-three years of satisfactory bachelor- hood on earth, had happily gone to that place where matrimony is no longer optional, and his funeral was being attended by the forty or fifty persons who reticently hoped to be the one on whom had fallen his testamentary favor. From the corner the poor re- lation watched them all, decently solemn, sadly regretful, although Uncle Duncan had been to them only a seldom-spoken name, while they listened patiently to the harangue of a minister who had never seen the subject of his discourse until he was beyond power of speech. Perhaps this made eulogy all the easier, for Uncle Duncan had been fertile in invective and consistently ma- lignant. The crowd filed out, the undertaker wearing the deepest look of mourning of any there save one. He was a tall and distin- guished-looking man of fine bearing, but his air was one of dou- leur and regret. The poor relation left her corner and spoke to sympathy for this only sincere mourner of Uncle Duncan was be- } ing replaced by confusion. “Ames—Will Ames, my col- lege mate and lifelong friend.” “This man is Duncan Jenks, sir.” The thwarted mourner gave her the withering glance of Jove dis- | pleased and fled from the house. Out of the back window, looking through to another street, the poor | relation saw him arriving just too late at the funeral he thought he | had attended. —wetew c. canoer HOBSON'S VERSATILITY. USRIVALED though his famous | trip, His last act may amaze one. | : Ile showed us how to sink a ship, And now shows how to raise one. ANOTHER INGREDIENT. . SGAM MY,” said the teacher, “what is contained in sea- water?” “ Salt, ma‘am,” replied Sammy. | “ And what else?” “ Spanish war-ships, ma'am.” him, as he was the only stranger present, and she wondered how such a falcon could have lighted among this flock of petty sparrows. “Thave been two years away, and did not know until I saw the notice in this morning’s paper. Tell me, was he ill long?” | All winter he has been ailing,” said the poor relation sadly. “Poor fellow! how he must have suffered to be so changed! hardly have known him. One would scarcely think he could have aged in so short a time. My poor chum—poor old Ames!” “I beg pardon, whom did you say?” asked the poor relation, whose deep “Say, missis, don't yer want ter fight dogs?” Motner— Harotp— ANHHY, \\ WW MSS A NECK-PULLING PARTY. A fancy sketch of what may happen to that class of people called **rubber-necks.”” THE PAST TENSE NOW. ‘+MY IMPRESSION is," oracularly began the tall boarder, “that Spain is going to cede "— “It would be more correct,” interrupted the solemn boarder, “to say she has gone to seed.” THE CAUSE, THE time has come when the poor dons Across the main must ship, And Spain will have to pack her trunk Because she's lost her grip. A PRACTICAL TEST. First South American patriot —“ What is the revolution to-day for? We had our this week's revolution three days ago.” Second patriot— Oh, the leaders have just procured a new rapid-fire gun on trial, and the manufacturer wished to know at once whether or not it would be accepted.” WHERE DID HE GET IT? * You will find, All right, ma; I'll play the limit.” Harold, that there is a limit to my endurance.” comicbooks.¢om