Judge — September 3, 1898 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

uae CHALLENGED. HE stood at the gate with a wistfl air. ‘Twas dusk when a well-known footfall rang On the flinty pavement, and ‘ Who goes there?” The saucy challenge to red lips sprang. ** A friend,” her lover replied in bliss. He was more than a mere friend, I opine, For four lips met in the pass-word kiss Over the front-gate’s picket-line. A WISE OLD MAN. Ss P)URING my somewhat extended journey along the pathway of life,” remarked the Kohack philosopher, laying down the newspaper which he had been frowningly perusing,“ I have acquired a considerable quantity of the wisdom which comes from experience. Some of it I have gained by scraping up and saving the bongs’and_ talls,'so: to describe ‘em, of other people's-haps and misHiaps, and some of rea hy it Lhave hadkniocked into me by taking'an occasion- al tumble and hitting my head against the solid rock of truth. “I have learned, amongst other things, that it isn’t always wise to try to come to a head too soon, When the Creator makes an oak he takes about one hundred years to do the job in, but only a few months to make a squash. I have discovered that while man was made to mourn woman seems to have been made to see'that he does it. I have found out that the best way to get even with a man is to pay him what you owe him. I have decided that the average-man is either as heaven made him or-a.great-deal worse. -Having just read ‘that another survivor of the‘famous ‘light brigade’ is dead, I judge that out of the original six hundred only about three thousand are now left. “ T-occasionally remark that, while all men are born free and équal, some of. them grow.up and get married;-also that nobody else in the world can-slam: a, door like a railroad‘man. 1 SAMA LL es P} 3 ** How does the train come to be ahead of time?” have noticed that a great many men reason in'a ““Inisn't ahead of time; this is yesterday's train.” aint - 4 a That is why there is no end to wgua ye L Cries yitadaena ts uiatteee are same way—I am not prepared at this time to say whether they reason or not. I have seen that only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other nine hundred and ninety-nine being followers of women. Thave reached the conclusion that a man might hope for the wisdom of the serpent if, like that reptile, he’ had no legs to get pulled, ‘ “And many, many other truths, both great and small, have I learned during my ~ pilgrimage here—among them being that Ihave forgotten more than a good many younger men now know or ever will; but while I have learned to know that I know many things, I have also learned to know that the number of things I don’t know is vastly and enormously larger than the number of things I do know. And it ap- pears that one of the things I don’t. know is something that everybody else in the country knows ; that is, how to manage the war several hundred per cent. better than the board of strategy at Washington.” TOM P, MORGAN, a . X& DIPLOMATIC PHYSIOGNOMIST, SEE ee Ceo eA MENT: Swouky WuHaLEN—"*Yes, lady; dough poor, 1 waz once a great face-reader, an’ know dat it’s only han‘. WW HEN Spanish people ask for bread sum wimmin w ot gives. Knowin’ dat, I never approaches a house unless I sees a real han’sum woman in de winder,”” ivitiak ase wet,can she male? Mxs, Tooxin—"* What a wonderful gift! Just wait a moment; I want you to t For even if she told them to saa Wosling Cee ane giftr J at; I want you to try some of my pie while I ‘They couldn't take the cake. a comicbooks.com