Judge — August 20, 1898 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

IRST IN AND FIRST OUT. “I feel proud,” exclaimed the grandee, “to know that I am a Spaniard and that Spain is always first in war.” “Yes,” muttered the peasant, who had grown ‘strangely morose and cynical of late; “‘ our beloved country may be first in war, but doesn’t it strike you as an unfortunate circumstance that the enemy Seems to be last on the ground ?” THE WORM SPEAKS. GUMMER boarders have been selling high-priced jokes about the countryman just about long enough. and it is time that some one assisted. the bucolic worm to turn. Hollow-chested dyspeptics from the city come down here every summer to poultice their corroded insides with fresh - laid eggs. and if they are not fitted out with pneumatic ~ lungs and non- : : reversible'stom: | FELL IN RELATING THE VICTORY. _ ir Dxacon Drinkwa: i : chs Hin tO yea csoms trompiay an catia’ my’ coca lous "book ready to swan oe weeks at six dol- Miss CyntHy hope you didn’t, deaki lars a week they Dxacon Dxinkwaten (friumphantly\—" No, Miss Cynthy. [hed ‘I'll be go away mad 4-4" on my lips, but I held ‘er back, b’gosh! Sales and say they - have been vilely swindled. Their wives are even more exasperating. To begin with, they are always mad because they are not in Europe or at Newport, and they work out their spite 6n our patient wives and daughters. They are always troubled with nerves, and feel injured because 1, “Say, black man, bow do yoh ebah manage toe we do nut gay the early-crowing rooster’ and have all our thunder-storms fitted with soft-pedal a eae aT iin beat yoh down dis bill.” attachments. As for the children these people bring, there should be no close season for them. Pot-hunters should be allowed to work their will on them, and public-spirited A TARDY ACKNOWL- a4 citizens should kill them at sight. Speaking generally, the EOGHENT ‘. summer boarder is an underbred prevaricator, who would 3 slander the beds of amaranth if they were ever advertised Penfeld— Vowells says 3 3 to let at a price within the reach of his slim purse. Of we have no literary centri ‘ course we want him again this season because we need Merritt —" That seems his money, but he must remember that there isa limit and a rather hard admission for that he should clothe himself in humility as well as can- him to make. I thought he al, vas pants when he comes to Upagannsett. left Boston and came to New . = York to form one.” THEIR ONLY HIT. Jaggles—" How did the Spaniards figure that the loss of their squadron was another glorious day for Spain?” Waggles— Because when the ships went down they succeeded in hitting the bottom.” A FIELD OF FERNS. ELOW the mountain's rugged heart, And reared by nature's matchless art, A field of ferns, in elfin grace, Brightens the valley's homely face. Each fluted blade, in sunset’s gleam, Brings back ‘* Midsummer's” magic ** Dream”; Restores lost Puck and his blithe traid, Vickinyen eels And makes Titania live again, WILLIAM M. MAYR, AUGUST. | JN GAU2v garb she stands, Pomegranates in her hands, Mer dark and dreamful eyes, Drowsy with mysteries, Scanning the parched lands, ~ amua c, DowD, CONGENIAL LABOR. BARRED OUT. Mrs. Citnn —"* How can you be working at your busi- ate ness and still be needy?” mies sos *eYOU are not printing much Weacorns—" Me bizniz is dat uv a collector, leddy.” war poetry now,” said a Mars. Cittnn. collector ?” calle? toh ibey Saito Wraccers—"* Vessum, » De world owes everybody a liv- : @ in’, mum, an’ I'm tryin’ ter collect mine.” “No; I have erected a trocha.’ comicbooks.com