Judge — August 20, 1898 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

IASY TO FIND A USE FOR IT. “T suppose,” said the grandee, “that you have already pre- pared a programme to follow immediately after our forthcoming conquest of America.” “We have,” replied the Spanish statesman. “We have ob- served the avidity with which those Americans gobble up their government bonds, and have concluded to float a couple of billion dollars in Spanish bonds among this gullible population as soon as we have obtained possession of the country.” A NATURAL SEQUENCE, NO LONGER suspense shall we have to endare Our blues we may speedily banish, Uncle Sam's at the guns ; of success we are sure, He will soon make the Spaniards “* walk Spanish.” ALL AFTER IT. “Ob, a farmer's life is the life for me,” sang the horse as it kicked him, the bull as it gored him, the snake as it bit him, the bees as they stung him, the lightning as it struck him, and the mowing-machine as itessayed to slice him up into fragments of memento size. And the lightning-rod agent, the insurance man, the mortgage shark, and the gold-brick philanthropist i. echoed the same glad strain while cheerfully assisting 4, _ to worry the life out of the dear old poetical cuss. THEIR PLIGHT. WERE taught that if you sow the wind The whitlwind you must reap ; But one exception to the rule Is making Spaniards weep. Beneath the yoke of want and debt The Spanish neck must bow ; For although they have sown the wind They cannot raise it now. Mrs. Beverty—" What is meant by * carrying concealed weapons’? MCLANDBURGH WILSON. Beverty—"* Keeping your tongue between your teeth. A SATISFACTORY PRECEDENT. OUNG Douglas, at the sug- gestion of his big sister, appeared one morning at school with his hair parted in the mid- dle. “ Why, Douglas!" exclaim- ed the teacher, “ didn’t you know that only dudes parted their hair in the middle?” Douglas was much abashed, and declared when he went home that his hair should never be parted in the middle again; but as he wandered about the house that day he spied a copy of one of the famous Christ heads, and as he gazed he fairly jumped for joy. There was Christ with his hair parted in the middle. It was early for the after- noon session, but he parted his hair afresh and started off in high glee, Breathless he stood before his teacher and gasped out, “I think you're mistaken about dudes being the only ones that wear their hair parted in the middle, ‘cause Jesus wears his that way, and he ain't a dude, and ‘ache ain Le A BROKEN PROMISE. Lawyer—"* What can I do for you, madam?” want a divorce from my husband.” [T TAKES two to quarrel, Upon what grounds do you desire to bring suit?” but ‘ove’caa do’ ail the'maks : He hasn't been faithful to his marriage-vows,”” A ai “In what particular has he violated them?” ing up. Cuiext—“' He promised to die for me and he hasn't done it.” aun reoertiet aor comicbooks.com