Judge — August 20, 1898 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

122 Zk GENERAL COMPLAINT. Curr-surton —* I'll tell you what, I'm getting mighty tired of being cuffed around all the time.” COLLAK-BUTTON Here too; there isn't a day goes round but that I'm getting collared for something.” ue 3S SF nt eed I, HS SS Oe oe A PHILOSOPHER. Crawford —“ So the war has hurt your busi- ness ?* Crabshaw —" Well, it could have been worse. I was just thinking that I might have been, run- ning a Spanish life - in- surance company.” AN IMPOSSIBLE MAN. NCE on a time there lived a man In politics who never ran, Nor thought that he knew better than Old Uncle Sam. If golf-fiend striving for a Forgot the necessary ‘* For And hit this man, he never swore A big, big d—- This fellow never ran in debt ; On horse or card he never bet ; And, strangest thing we've heard of yet, He went to college — Not to play foot-ball on the team, Not of the junior prom. to dream, Not even for a prize to scheme— But just for knowledge wide HIS AMMUNITION. WE FEAR that Watson may be hit, Although he's sure to win ; For Camara, to judge by names, Should get a snap-shot in. HIS SENTIMENTS. Little Willie—* Pa, what is, that saying about its being ‘ bet- ter to have loved and lost’ "—— Mr. Hennypeck (feelingly) —" Itis better to have loved and lost than never to have lost at all.” FAIR WARNING. «s JOHN HENRY,” said Mrs. Strongmind as she shook her finger threateningly at her husband, “the very next time you get up in the night and go through my pockets I shall send you home to your father.” He did tot air agnostic views ; He did not court the poet's muse ; He never either smokes or chews, Nor will he ever. He danced with wall-flowers at a ball ; He did not think he knew it all ; He never went to make a call And stayed forever. He liked no girl but one with brain, And did not care if she were plain, A GLARING ERROR, Mr. Isaacs — ‘* Mine cootness! It's no vonder de young people don’t learn noddings now-a-days. Here's a glaring ecror on der very first page off your new grammar.” Jaxuy Isaacs —"* Vot is dot error, fadder ?” Mr. Isaacs —"* Vy, it says to analyze dis sen- tence—" Voung folks vill succeed in life if dey neffer give up.” Dey've left out ‘a cent.'” A regiment, he thought and said, Had other duties than parade, While beauties whom the world made vain Although as gorgeously arrayed He never flattered. He loved one girl through all his life, And she —yes, really—was his wife— His heart in a flirtation’s strife | Had ne'er been battered. E’en as the Seventh. And when his country claimed its dower Of sons to aid ‘gainst hostile power He volunteered at th’ earliest hour— Not the eleventh. MARGARET WENTWORTH A NOVEL SIGHT. DororHy was great- ly surprised to see a sheep with a poke on, walking about the past- ure, “See!” she cried here "sa sheep carrying an easel with its own head on it ‘stead of a picture.” HOW THE PROFESSOR CAUSED MARY JANE TO REMEMBER LIER MUSIC-LESSON. comicbooks.com cious a Cult point « she ha Thom Can hands Bitters The school much was se