Judge — August 13, 1898 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

DECEPTIVE. **THAT is an ex- tremely small growler of your father's, Miss Maud,” remarked the curate playfully, referring to the tiny. sky-terrier who had greeted him vociferously. Maud, whose mind was pre- occupied, startled him by replying, “It is not really so small as it looks. You have no idea how much it holds.” TALKING WAR Mrs, Cobwigger— “ But Columbus, who discovered America, was a Spaniard.” Cobwigger— “That's no argument. If the Spaniards of to- day knew as much abput. this country as Columbus did they wouldn't be so anxious to fight us.” A POET'S SOLILOQUY, ‘The conductor of the street-cars More luck than poet finds, For he always receives a nickel From those who take his lines, OW, I don't want to brag at all ; but this is my idee: It takes a purty scrumptious man to git ahead er me. T've got a brain for plannin’ things, I've got an eye that’s peeled, An’ the chap who gits ahead er me hez kep’ himself concealed. T opened up my grocery-store down here two year ago, ‘An’ thought if I should jine the church I'd have a better show ; For this is a religious place, an’ I seen very well The piouser a feller was the more goods he would sell. So I applied to jine the church, let no time run to waste. ** This is a sollum step,” they said, * an’ shoulda’ be took in haste. Go home an’ pray about this thing: Go pray,” says Elder Ford, + An’ talk it over prayerfully an’ deeply with the Lord.” THE SAME THING. 46] DON’T like to ask the girl in front of me to take off, her hat,” said the eastern. man in the Chicago theatre, “but I really can’t see over it.” Oh, go ahead,” said his friend. * But suppose she should refuse me?” “Then ask her to take off her shoes. That will do just as well.” Woman possesses all the virtues until she begins to brag about it. a shot ieft.” SIGNAL OF DANGER. “ Ringing his bicycle bell(e). ELDER FORD’S TWO CANDIDATES. : I see that they didn’ want me then ; but this is my idee : It takes a purty scrumptious man to git ahead er me. ** IML come an’ see ye later, sir," sez I to Elder Ford, ** Wren I've talked it over prayerfully an’ deeply with the Lord.” So two weeks later I appeared before the church ag'in An’ asked politely as I could if they would let me in. ** I've talked it over with the Lord,” said I, ** for many a day.” “+ An’ what, pray tell,” asked Elder Ford,** what did the good Lord say?” “+ I'm tryin’ to git in,” sez I, ‘‘ to the church of Elder Ford, An’ they won't let me in at all. ‘ Don't worry,’ sez the Lord. * You're not the only one,’ sez he, ‘ they've laid upon the shelf. I've tried ten years without success to git in there myself." AE; SAM WALTER FOSS, SCARCITY OF HANDOUTS. Spanish official — We have very discour- aging reports from our army of invasion in the United States.” Another official —Ah, what's the trouble?” ” Spanish official —" Why, you see, the army doesn’t understand the system of marking gate- posts used in America, and threatens to mutiny if we don't send them provisions.” NEEDED. SETTING. Edith (bearing a boy stutter)—" Mamma, 1, “There come the Spaniards, and I haven't there's a boy talking who has his tongue out of joint.” 2. “Ah, T have it! I'l just take the balls out of my wheel and show them a yankee trick.” a 1—t1i—! HOW HE UTILIZED THE BALL-BEARING WHEEL. " 4. “ Now for the repair-shop." It half-t Adam is n ate comicbooks.com