Judge — July 23, 1898 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

58 EASILY WON. soAHT exclaimed the Spanish patriot, “another victory? How many Americans were killed?” “None,” replied the manager * of the department of publicity. “The cowardly pigs failed to put in an appearance.” A DARK COUNTRY. WE READ of Spanish chivalry, But feel compelled to say Spain needs a lot of knights, because She fears the light of day. ON A BUSINESS BASIS. Charlie— When I go away to the war I will have to give up my place by your side.” Yes, dear. * Well, what I want to know is, won't you keep my place open for me until I come back?” 1, THE HANDSOME TYPEWRITER (from across the hall) —"* Dear me! that homely Mame Scroggins is never in when I want to see her. Probably gone out to lunch. T'll just hide in this clothes-closet, and when she comes back I'll give her a good scare.” 4. Mrs. Jonns—* Very well, Mr. Jones; Iam very glad to hear it. Be home early to dinner, won't you, dear? But what is this closet for, John, any- way?” Mr. Jonzs—'*Oh, that is nothing but the clothes-closet ; that’s all. Good-bye, love. I am extremely busy this afternoon.” —— PROPERTY -EFFECTS. STRANGER (in Countryville\—"* I suppose property has gone up here since Mr. Klondike Diggins built a summer residence here?” Native—" Ya-as; it's gone up the spout. 2, Mr. Jones (emerging from his private office @ moment later)—* Dear me! I wish I hadn't let Miss Scroggins off for this afternoon ; there's dead loads of work to be done. Hello! here comes my wife.” 5. Mrs. Jones (opening it) —" Oh, heavens! So this is the partner of your infamy? Oh, oh, oh, oh! So this is the creature?” THe HANDSOME TYPEWRITER (from across the Aall)—"* Madam, 1 would have you understand that I work for Bilgewater & Mildew, right across the hall, and I will have satisfaction for this insult.” Every man in taown hez had tew mortgage his farm tew buy hats an’ gowns fer his wife like Mrs. Klondike Diggins wears.” THEIR WAY OF FOL- LOWING IT. W E'VE noticed on this hemisphere, Since we've been at the game, Wherever flies the Spanish flag ‘The Spaniards do the same. ALL IS VANITY. Mrs. Cobwigger —" You men are not very consistent in blaming the women for the gaudy-colored clothes they. are wearing this sea- son,” : Cobwigger—" How's that?” Mrs. Cobwigger— Since the war began you all seem anxious enough to wear gold braid.” FOR STAY-AT-HOMES. F YOU can’t fight the Spanish bull You need not feel forlorn ; For even those who have to stay Can easily take a horn, SS 3. Mus. Jones—* Well, Mr. Jones, I thought I'd call in and see if you have a homely typewriter, as I told you to. You know Twon't have you dictating toa handsome one.” Mr. Jones—"* My dear Kate, I have got the homeliest typewriter that ever banged the keys; but she is away this afternoon, most unfortunately, Come in to-morrow and feast your eyes on her ugliness.” 6. Mrs. Jonss—"Oh, I see it all now—ex- tremely busy this afternoon ; ugliest typewriter that ever banged keys; most unfortunately away ; come in to-morrow. Yes, Mr. Jones: I will come if to-morrow and bring’ the summons for my divorce- suit with me.” = JUMPING AT CONCLUSIONS; OR, BELIEVE ONLY HALF YOU SEE. comicbooks.com