Judge — May 14, 1898 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE SIGN’S TRUE MEANING. Kei Be (PKs Jones (who has tried for hours for a trout raise) —** What a fool I was not to have believed the honest owner who put up this truthful warn- | ing.” THE PUZZLING SOLUTION OF A PUZZLE. RE} “Divil a bit,” says he; “tis bad.” Thin he tills me th’ shtory, an’ Oi'm laughin’ at him all th’ toime wid me face as solemn as a box av shoe-blackin’, ‘twor thot funny, McGoon wor makin’ money boy th’ ton thim days, an’ his woife wor sportin’ jewelry thot made th’ other wo- a men on th’ hill detist her— pure gold she said it wor wid genyine shtones sit in it — an’ whin it b’gins t’ disappear from her bidroom bit boy bit, wid no clew t’ th’ thaif, ‘twor th’ talk av th’ whole ward. “Mac,” says McGoon t’ me, “ thot Molly Ginness do be th’ guilty writch— her wid th’ oyes loike a lamb an th’ complixion loike brid an’ strawberry- Mrs. Buuyper — “If Harry you've come, Ilarry—my poor boy does FALED BY MR. MCGARVEY. HURE, th’ solution av a puzzle ‘s sometoimes more av a puz- zle than th’ puzzle entoirely. McGoon, the contractor, calls me inty a corner one day, an’ says he, “ Mac,” says he, “Oi've found th’ thaif thot's been shtalin’ me woife’s jewelry,” says he. * Good for yez,” says Oi. A PLUG OF TOBACCO. Mr. Backnrtan Pire— You, Henrico! git away frum dat ani- mal's heels. Does yo’ wanter git kicked?” HENRICO BLACKBRIAR PIPE—" Kick? an ole * plug.’ Mrs. BLunper — ‘I'm so glad He won't kick ! he’s only WHAT PEOPLE /VTEND TO SAY, AND WHAT THEY DO SAY. Doncesox — ‘Gol blast it! if another bicyclist runs into me to-day A HORRIBLE THOUGHT. Coca (thickly)—"' Is thot you, Pat?” FAacan —" It is jam," says he ; “ thot swate an’ innocent Oi'd hov trusted her alone at a Dutch picnic. She's been wid us a long toime now, an’ she niver shtole anything at all till we got somethin’ t’ shtale, an’ thin "—— He takes a turn t' th’ door an’ back, thot agitated wor he. . “ Oi foinds her wid a doimond ring in her mouth, nistlin’ among thim pear- ly taith—think av thot !—an’ Oi fales so bad Oi'm not tillin’ me woife av it, an’ it's not knowin’ Oi am what t’ do at all. Oi'm not wantin’ t’ turn th’ poor misguoided craiture out, an’ she's smoilin’ at me thot knowin’ ivery day till Oi'm thot flustered yez can’t till. What ‘ll Oi be doin’, Mac, old frind?” says he. ** How did yez know she wor hold- in’ th’ ring in her mouth ?” says Oi, “ Oi tasted th’ brass,” says he. “Oi dunno,” says Oi. DAVID M. TALMADGE. Dopcesox —"“All right, miss. I comes home intoxicated to-night I'm have to work so hard at the office. I going to tell him that I've stood his know I should have left the hall light brutal negligence long enough. I'll burning for you. I'm so negligent. I go right home to mamma ; that’s what only sat up till three o'clock. But yqu'll Tt do.” forgive me, won't you, dear?” I'm going to give the idiot a tongue- had no business to be in the way. lashing he'll never forget. Every darn one of ‘em ought to be hauled up be- fore a court of law and fined for crim- inal carelessness,” Hope your wheel isn’t broken, If it is just send a bill for damages to me.” comicbooks.com