Judge — April 30, 1898 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A BICYCLE-RACE, RODE my new bike home last week ; I knew ‘twould Tom surprise ; 1 felt s0 good I could not speak ‘And joy shone in my eyes. = i And yesterday we had our race, The happiest in my life; For if be won he might embrace And claim me as his wife. The start was made; I held the lead, But, when the goal in sight, I prudently slowed in my steed And let Tom win the fight. ee iz A MINUTE WITH MISS SPROCKITS. E HAD alovely lunch yesterday. We wheeled out to Farmby’s, you know, and Mrs. Farm- by—the dear, good soul !—invited us to stay and eat. Oh, it was lovely! Chicken, ‘ninety-eight model; big baked potatoes that it just seemed a shame to puncture, but oh, weren't they good! Bread and butter that reduced the friction of eating to a minimum; milk, cold- drawn, seamless; olives, hardened in oil to spring temper; pie, flaky frame, luscious apple tubing, re-enforced with nutmeg connections. Oh, it was all just too good! Well, good-bye, dear; I must go down to Wheeler's and see the new crank-hanger he’s just got. What? Oh, yes; I'll be careful. Afraid of acrank-hanger? The idea! How foolish! Good-bye. SAVING THE DAY. N AIDE-DE-CAMP rode hurriedly to the general's side and gasped, “General, the enemy's bicycle-corps is preparing to charge.” “Ah,” replied the general with great satisfaction, “ now we have an opportunity to see what our tack-throwing mortars can do, Let them open fire at once.” In three minutes the intervening ground was strewn with tacks, and the attacking corps was obliged to retreat in confusion, The day was saved. ‘An’ how may Oi favor yez, Doolan?” Dootan—"* Give me a punch an th’ soide av me jaw opposite phwere yez gev me th’ kick an’ koindly shtraighten out me face, lolie a good felly. * A REASONABLE REQUEST. after the fight)—"* Oi acknowledge mesilf as much licked as th’ Spanyurds, Horan. Now will yez do me a favor?” THOSE BLOOMER GIRLS, Mamma (aghast)—** Ob! that bloomer girl scared me so she almost took my breath away.” Torriz—" Now I know what you mean when you say * your breath came in short pants,’” comicbooks.com