Judge — April 23, 1898 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

266 uae THE MERCHANTS!’ PLAINT. ATCHMAN, tell us of the night, Waken from thy slumberous dope, Guard our stores and guard ‘em right. Remember, you're bur only hope. Weary guardian of our wealth, You are now on Easy street. Too much rest is bad for health ; Grab your club, patrol your beat. Tired watchman in a trance, Snoring peacefully and sweet, Should the roundsman come by chance He would fan you from your beat. Burglars, cracksmen, thieves are rife, Seeking gold and goods galore. You'll arouse—"* Not on your life!" After they have robbed the stores, W. R. COOK. FINAL OFFER SATISFACTORY. * Honrserep Hank—"‘Air ye ther party that advertised in ther Dawson city Gazoot fer a store- clerk?” ° Pxorrieror—"* Va-as, T'll give a good clerk fifteen hundred dollars a week—thet is, without board.” : Horseren H in’t them perty small wages without board ?* Propriztor—"* Wa-al, yes. Howsumever, I'll give yer two dollars and a half a week an’ board yer. How's thet? Horstrep HAaNk—" Now yer talkin’, I'll take ther jo ANOTHER INTELLIGENT JUROR. CHARITABLE PEDESTRIAN (sympathetically)—"* Deaf, dumb and blind, eh? Look up here, poor fellow! and tell me how it all happened. I've got a few minutes to spare before I have to serve on the jury.” : THE BOSTON MAID. SE will prate all the time in praise of the hub, And quote you from Browning all day ; But she never will join a rainy-day club, Because she’s not built that way. FELT HURT. Chirurgo— What did you say that poor fellow’s ailment is?” Medico— Chronic dyspepsia.” Chirurgo—" Did you prescribe a more rational scientific diet ?” Medico—" | did, and that’s why he’s gone away mad. His wife is the principal of a cooking-school.” HONEST UNCLE JIM, E LECTRIC lights had been put into a little country town, but for some reason they were not working very well. Uncle Ben—" How d'ye like yer new-fangled lights, Uncle Jim? Don't pay, dew they?” Uncle Jim—Wa-al, they be a ‘spensive luxury, tew be shore; but, mean ‘s they be, I sh’d kinder hate tew git ‘long ‘thout ‘em. Th’ fact is, though, I'm ‘bleeged tew run a leetle karryseen, so’s tew tell when they're on.” HIS LITTLE GAME. Askins—* How is it that Slicksmith seems to make an instantaneous hit with every lady to whom he is. intro- duced 2” Teller —"* Oh, he calls the married ones ‘ miss’ and the single ones * mrs.’ -POOR FELLOW! "m saddest when I sing.” SUE—" Well, how do you suppose I feel ?” comicbooks.com