Judge — March 19, 1898 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

uae MR. MCGARVEY MORALIZES. A MURDER ‘s been done in th’ sivinth ward, an’ divil a thought has anyone at all av bringin’ th’ guilty writch t” justice. He's a foine felly, th’ murderer, wid togs on him loike a bass drum—thot loud—an’ a rale plisint smoile for all, an’ th’ voice av him as smooth as grase an’ soft as th’ yilk av an igg, aven whin he spakes thot oud yez can hear him a block. “Tis th’ woife av him thot’s did. Oi saw her this mornin’, walkin’ down th’ shtrate loike a corpse, th’ face av her thot thin th’ bones plays peek-a-boo wid aich other an’ th’ skin thot trans- parent it don’t show ixciptin’ in two spots on her chakes. She's been doyin’ this long toime, it boy bit, strugglin’ luik POETIC LIC! - Our poet calls the wind the wynde When penning zephyry ode But when it comes on swift behind He says the wind be blowed. goiant wid th’ stringth } thot wor made for dogs, an’ doin’ th’ bist she could— though ‘twor th’ worst, for ‘twor timper thot would hove made th’ felly she loved re- spict her Photo, by Sarony. more, Oi'm JUDGE'S FAVORITES. thinkin’. DOROTHY USNER. “Twor Dorothy —{roticksome, little it took Wutows and orphans bereaved, of the Maine. v kill Brava of that cay of boise Buy, ‘Angels themselves could hever complain, home one day an’ foinds th’ dinner not riddy. She apologizes b'fore he says a word, an’ he looks straight ahid av him, ignorin’ her intoirely, only t° give her a shove t’ one soide wid his ilbow, It raiched her heart, an’ she stops livin’ at thot minute. Thot's all there is t’ th’ story, but it's true, me bly —th’ divil av a bit truer than some gospel, an’ Oi'm wantin’ t’ give yez a pace av advoice in convanient form for carryin’ in th’ vist- pocket av th’ brain : Niver trump doimonds wid hearts. Whin clubs is led hit thim wid a club. Thot's th’ only way t' take th’ trick. Folks do be laughin’ at th’ mithods av Ann Maloney —all Jounson Jackson — but Maloney, th’ cus! who do be carryin’ th’ marks av her fists on his monkey face ivery day— but ‘tis good consistent Christianity, moind yez, an’ ‘tis th’ only way she can kape th’ love av Ma- loney for hersilf frish an’ bloomin’. SPOKE AND SPEECH. American scorcher —" Do you ever break a spoke?” English tourist — “Well, I occasionally drop an bh,” MARCH ON THE ROAD. ipsey —* Where yer hangin’ out, now ?* A BAD BUSINESS STROKE, Conex —" Och! such a peesness! However, | haff an " idea vot I vill do. I vill shange dot sign to ‘ Saind ‘Padrick’s" Tripesey —" At the oil, und make a lot of peesness.” hotel Wind, sor.” av a canary-bird, smoilin’ ag’in’ frowns, endurin’ wid th’ patienc blissed saint words LOVE BY THE FOOT. L lub de werry earth dat gal treads upon !" Well, all I’s got ter say be that your lub covers an awful lot ob ground.” IL. A BAD BUSINESS STROKE. But sad to relate the ns of Saint Patrick” were just passing that way on their annual parade, and everything came his way immediately, comicbooks.com