Judge — March 12, 1898 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE'S FABLES. ‘YHE PORTER AND THE PASSENGER. HERE was once a diminutive man who, while purchasing a railroad ticket to his home, had his favorite corn accidentally but severely trodden on and bruised by the burly, lumbering station - porter. Amid the porter s profuse apologies the little man rushed for his train, secured a rear seat, and, as the train was appar~ ently pulling out, violently threw up the window and vociferously commenced to assail the apologetic though able-bodied he cried bel- ligerently. “ Untuckily for me this train is leaving. Had I time 1 would “— * Pray reassure yourself,” cried the por- ter with a huge grin. “You'll have the time, sir, The train is only going down onto the switch for an extra coach and doesn't leave for ten minutes yet. Il be here when ‘somebody *s lyin’,”” COMMON MISTAKE. *SQEE here, Hobson, You are the man that sold me some apples the other day. The first thing I did when 1 opened that barrel was to pick a basketful of rotten and wormy apples from the top and throw them into the ash- barrel, Is that so, stranger? Waval, I guess you made a mistake. The rotten and wormy apples was in the bottom of that barrel, and you opened the wrong end.” COLD FACTS. Mrs, Brown—" Can you account for the fact that the best people are not. always the most religious ?” Brown —* That seems to be the way of the world, my dear. You know that it isn't the bibles and prayer- books that keep lent.” as AINT—A logical Christian who goes the limit SUSPICIOUS. Bowny (surveying his new brother)— you, pa said it wuz the angels, an’ nurse says it wuz the stork, ‘THE RESEMBLANCE, Kare—" Why did you name your dog after Charley? Is there any special resemblance Praxt—"Oh, yes. Papa wants to kick him every time he sees him, Moral— Bravery from a safe dis- tance is all right, but see that the distance is safe. w, », coo. THE CAUSE OF IT. Mamie—" They say the leading lady is always hard up.” Tottie— Ves, poor thing! She bas a very extravagant husband. WATERPROOF. Waiter (who has spilled the A HANDICAP. contents of a water-bottle over a Finst mure—" Why didn't you an- s guest) —"Shall I get you a nap- — swer me yesterday when I spoke to you kin" from across the street ? . SeconD MUTE—"*t couldn't. You Guest —"1 think you would better get me a mackintosh,” Ma says the doctor brought Now had passed by before I could get my mit- tens off to speak to you.” AN “AFFAIR OF HONOR.” Witp Tit—"* Va.as, Bill; th’ whiskey duel between Cactus Carson and Foggy Ferguson is th’ greatest sensation ever known in Coyote Gulch.’ It took eighty-two glasses of tanglefoot apiece to floor th’ contestants.” Comancne Crawrorp— it ended in a draw, eh?" + Witp Tit—"" Only on th’ number of glasses drank. Foggy Ferguson is ahead by three snakes an‘ a tarantula, but as Cactus Carson bas just started in seein’ sharks his backers are gittin’ confident that he'll win it.” comicbooks.com