Judge — March 5, 1898 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

SCHMELZER TALKS, [ SEE dot dey are ledding ub on der cry obf suppress foot- ball since der regular season closed. If dot rough foot-ball game efer is stamped ondt der surgeons vill suffer amid der_rechoicings obf der barbers who got a chob py idt. A young vomans came into my florist shop for some Maré- chal Niel roses, I don’t got some und suggest American peauties — but it’s no good. She said dot der murderer dot she vanted to give dem to vas a Frenchman. I obened a case of Limburger dis morning und after- vards valked up dot shtreedt dey vos tearing up to asphald. Ohf der two odors I oxberienced, I dinks der shtreedt shouldt got der medal. REFERRING TO THE WED- A MISINTERPRETATION. Hatr-currer (to parent )—"* Shall I give your boy a bang on his forehead, sir 7" Parent (busily)—" Ves; and if that doesn’t quiet him give him one in the neck, been warned not to fidget in the barber's chair.” He's DING. Ss THERE goes the greater Mrs. Meek- ley “Why do you refer to her in that way?” “ Because she has annexed Meckley.” WASHINGTON’S VERSION. THE. three great virtues we've always known, Learned at our mother’s knee ; But this is the way George though ** Faith, hope, and cherry-tree.” it ran: A GREAT SURPRISE. Maud (running into the house in great delight) —" Mamma, mamma! old Speckle has laid a whole nestful of real live chickens.” HEAVILY * Vy. vot's der madder, fadder ?” A RESEMBLANCE. BETWEEN onr greatest presidents This likeness we can see : * Old Abe split rails for many years, And Georgie chopped the tree.” PREPARING FOR AN ILLNESS, Cook —* Have yez company comin’ mum, thot yez do be cookin’ up so many pies an’ cakes an‘ tings ?” Mrs. Wiseley—" No; my husband has sent word that he is to take a week's lay-off ‘on account of his health.” SECOND CHILDHOOD. | Willie "Do grown people ever get A WHISKEY DIET. childish ?” i rast. CANNIBAL — ** You'll have to eat that Mamma—" Yes; in old age. Why?” fellow ; T can’t ne s Willie —" "Cause when papa was trying Br cOnD CANNIBALS SUEY ot to find the electric-bell last night he hollered, Finst CANNIBAL — “He says he's from Kentucky, and I signed the pledge yesterday.” * Button, button, who's got the button ?"” HANDICAPPED. N (in despair)—"* Mein crashus, Ikey ! I'm afrait | lose dis sale.” “'T haf to holler so lout dot mein voice loses its persuasifness.” UP WHERE HUNGER REIGNS, Miner (longingly)—"“Ah, now, if that wuz only real dough !" comicbooks.com