Judge — February 19, 1898 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

BITTER BLASTS. IDWINTER—blithering, biting blast ! ‘Old Boreas shows his hand at last— A flush of spades drawn from cold deck, A case of freeze-out in the neck. His mild appearance is a frost, He hugs the hobo tempest-tossed. Alas !"poor men, we have our troubles When he blows round—get out your shovels And Klondike forth in wintry rig And, saying little, simply dig ‘Lhe silent snowdrop fallen down Upon your portion of the town, And, cleaning that, hold not aloof, ‘There's more to juggle ou your roof ; And, finished that, you've yet more woes, You'e'en must dig'a path for clothes, For wifey says, in her sweet way, It must be done—it's washing day ; And adding, with most fiendish sm How much she loves to see you work. Your answer—we must not conment ‘Till snow again, you may repent. | PUTTING INTO PRACTICE. Mamma — Dorothy, do you know who ate my raisins?" Dorothy (turning over the leaves of her book more rapidly)— “Mamma, you told me yesterday some things are better left unsaid. Isn‘t that one of them, don’t you s‘pose 2” IT MUST BE. Teacher —" What do you calla little child that has never had a mother to care for him >" Tommy—"An incubator-boy, ma‘am. ACCOUNTED FOR. Bripcer (cey/y)—"* Yis, mum ; but only wan av thim ‘s single.” —‘' I see vou have six different policemen calling on you, Bridget.” A CANDID OPINION, : Miss. Jackson —"* What kind of an instrument do yo" fink is most appropriate for to accompany a piano, Mr, Johnson ?" Mr, JOUNson A STARTLING EXPERIENCE, began Jay Green, who had just returned from a week's in the city, “I had a narrow escape from bein’ hypnotized, the second day I was in town.” “Twant to know !” ejaculated Abner Appledry. “Yes, sire! I was at the boardin'-house table at the time, eatin’ clam-chowder, Across from me sat a strange-lookin’ man with a big mop of bristly hair, and eyes that would go right through you like gimlets. I didn’t pay much attention to him at fi but directly I looked up and found him starin’ me as if I was a strange reptile of some kind. * He continued to glare at me, and pretty soon 1 began to perspire copiously, as they say in stories, for the thought flashed over me that he was tryin to hypnotize me. I began to feel a sickenin’ sensa- tion stealin’ over me. My nerves began to jangl my breath came in gasps, my collar began to wil my eyes rolled, the goose-flesh crept up and down my back, my hair stood up like wires, my tongue got thick, and I thought to my soul I was a goner. 1 was jest'on the : point of askin’ some of the other boarders to pull me away, when the stranger suddenly pointed his finger at me like a pistol and demanded, in a raspin’ voice, “+ Young man, did you ever think how strange it is that clams don't have tails ?* “And theh he calmly eatin’,” went on I'LL BE VALENTINE. [8 THE February weather Maud and Cupid ran together To Saint Valentine, ‘Through the love-lit valley roaming, Stole the kisses in the gloaming, Of Saint Valentine. Robbed his bundle of caresses, Mid them in her yellow tresses, Lost his sweetest art So he left at every portal, Each forlorn and weary mortal, Paper rose and heart. Paper roses fail to cheer me. Cupid, Cupid, prithee hear me, A NARROW ESCAPE, For Saint Valentine. Bring me all the maiden’s kisses All her love and dear caresses I'll be Valentine. A BARE POSSIBILITY. Pucttist— ** What do you suppose Slasher Sullivan's game is, anyway ? ‘sent me this challenge last month and I haven't beard from him since. MaANaceR—"" Dunno—unless perhaps the fool actually meant it. He Farmer Jones (af midnight)—"1 tho't somebody wuz tryin’ ter steal thet lone turkey uv mine; an’, by jinks ! thar's another turkey on ther roost—a pow'fal big wun, too, frum th’ feel uy his legs.” comicbooks.com