Judge, 1898-02-12 · page 7 of 16
Judge — February 12, 1898 — page 7: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several short satirical pieces typical of Judge's humor: **"Circumstantial Evil"** mocks faulty police logic: an officer arrests a graveyard vagrant for theft simply because he carries skeleton keys—the obvious (and absurd) "evidence" of grave-robbing intent. **"Sectional Strife"** satirizes regional American pride through two women trading insults—one from New England boasting of Mayflower ancestry, the other from the Midwest sarcastically countering that her "Minnesota-flour" heritage is equally unremarkable. The joke deflates both regions' pretensions. **"Double in All Cases"** plays on dialect humor (likely an African American character) where simple arithmetic becomes absurd: two ten-year-old twins equal twenty years old because "ten yeahs fo' Willyum an' ten yeahs fo' Willyumson mek twenty." The remaining pieces are gentler: a misheard number joke, marital humor about an odd new pudding, and a poem about a cheerful snow-bird. These reflect Judge's mix of political satire with domestic comedy.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
CIRCUMSCANTIAL EVIL Jupcr—"' You say you found, this man wandering about the graveyard lastnight? Why do you think ke intended robbing the vault?” = Orricer MADDEN—"* Because Oi found shkeleton kays in his pocket, yer honor.” SECTIONAL STRIFE, HEY were women, One was from the northwest, the other was from New England, ~ Oh,” said one with such a femininely sneering manner, [presume you think nothing quite equals one of your May- flower families.” replied the other, after the manner of her kind, “Ldon't think we think any more of our Mayflower families than you think of your Minnesota-flour families.” EMPHATIC CONVERSATION. hose deaf-aid-dumb persons are engaged in energetic conversation.” Cawker—" So they are. They are talking straight from the shoulder.” DOUBLE IN ALL Cases. * How old are the twins, Collopy?” Twenty yeahs ole their nex’ buthday, sab.” “Twenty years old! How do you make that out?” * Ten yealis fo" Willyum an’ ten yeahs fo" Willyumson mek twenty, doan’ it?" A MISAPPREHENSION, Mr. Isaacs—* r. @ dottle ohf champs; (Un a whisper.) Der fire-atara, shust shtruck forty-two. 's der box in front ohf mein shtore.” FMAL="* Nei nein, Isaacs; it shtruck twenty-four, not forty-two.” iy) Vaiter. make dot two beers.” A NEW KIND. ow Marathusa Perkins: had been confined to her room with a pro- tracted binocular head- ache and had lost. her appetite. Her husband brought home a package of modern fruit puddine, and the hired girl had com- pounded a pudding that had seemed to satisfy the bond. Arousing out of a sleep the next day, Mara- thusa turned to her hus- band, saying, “Gaius, 1 feel a kind of hankerin’, S'pose the girl makes me a trifle more of that new- fangled poultice.” THREE things are none of a woman's busi- TIME WORKS WONDERS. ness—politics, poker, and I, Jim Jonsing, aged six, and the turkeys. other women’s husbands, THE HAPPY SNOW- BIRD. THE festive little snow-bird Upon the trembling twig And on the sparkling windows. Performs an airy jig, Joy-puffed unto the eye-balls And feeling very big. He carols in the snow-storm While all his fancies throb ; He twitters in the rain-fall Upon the wire a-bob, And even when deep shadows Begloom his mental knob: * The pigeon ‘s but a pigeon, Though crimson, fawn, or blue; Wat I, although a snow-bird, ‘Am quite a pigeon too— A snow-bird on the rose-tree, A pigeon in the ste 7 Ros. MUNRFETRICN. 11 Jin jonsing and the turkeys ten years late comicbooks.com