Judge — February 5, 1898 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

uadpe JUDGE'S FABLES. NCE there was a rich man who was possessed of a mild bunch of iron-gray locks. He was courted assiduously by two widows, One was young, the other ripe, While both were courting him one day the elder widow secretly plucked out his gray hai while the young widow an- nexed the black ones. A young maid who had admir- ed his money in secret rushed forward to the now bald- headed man and rescued him with a bottle of hair-restorer. But the rich man, seeing that the hair-restorer was a good thing, had it patented and stayed single. Moral—The glad hand should be worked with discretion. EVERYTHING EQUAL. S¢THIS is not such an unjust world, after all, when you come to think about it,” said the old-young man. “Of course the rich people have ice in sum- mer, but don’t the poor get it in winter? * AN EXTRA VISIT. #4] saw the doctor at your door ; T trust none of your house is th Isit serious?" ‘It is, and more; He came there to collect his bill.” A MISUNDERSTANDING. Bridget (to crosseyed clerk)—" An’ hov yez any {rish eggs, sor?” Clerk—" Plenty. Just look this way, ma’‘am. Bridget (\oltily)—" Shure, an’ ¢ look thot way if Oi niver hov any.” I not THE HORRI- BLE SCHOOL. eeK\OW would you call Dauber an impres- sionist?" “No,” replied the other. “From my knowledge of his work I should call him a depres- sionist.”” WHY HE LOOKED. Hojack— Why are you consulting the dictionary? 1 thought you knew how to spell.” Tomdik—"\ do. 1 am not looking for information, but for corroboration.” Se] THE case of many a suspected murderer the innocent often suffer.” “Shake! You've been on a jury too, have you?” I. A PISCATORIAL BOOMERANG, Hockennem—'*I got a bet mit Ickleheim back dere dot I eill caught der mosd fish ter-day in der first hour.” VARIABLE. GER (in Texas) —"" How long do you fellows work at a A SUBURBAN BRACE. Invite Guest (toho Aas been trudging throuzh the snow for half an hour)—" Ouch! my shoe has slipped Friexp (who has brought him down)—"* Oh, come along. my dear fellow, and don't mind a little thing like that. Another hour and we'll be at the house, where a pair of slippers and a horn of whiskey will set you all right.” Il. A PISCATORIAL BOOMERANG. But as Hockenheim was an hour and a half disentangling the first two eels captured he lost the bet, besides a quarter's worth of fish-lines and his temper.