Judge — February 5, 1898 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PEREGRINATING PITFALLS. . SS YACAS, friends,” said Uncle Enos | ne as he arose from the table at the And Ad tavern and directed his eyes at For a few loungers, “I am glad I'm : back from Noo York ; fer I tell yer, boys, thet while it’s a great Abbo city it’s no place fer a farmer ter Vou do ; be found loose in. When I aedyes landed in th’ Grand Central deepo I got my shoes polished, pgs an’, would you believe it, I had- Why, n’t gone four steps afore another or four leetle runt wanted th’ job of fectly a blackin’ ‘em up ag'in. “Then them air street-car | Ss conductors—there’s an institoo- | ig ta shun thet orter be looked to by a real th’ perleece—one on ‘em charg- ares ed me twenty cents besides my fare ue N P: becos I rang a bell four times when I wanted ter git off th’ car. Arter Gevinall xeceneene, a Thad four teeth knocked loose by them air swing-doors in th’ post-offis ie mit Yoo say pos wank ball a tarabler of 17k Wid Wunke \ I boarded one o' them air cable-cars. I hedn’t rid much more nor a great moral experiment with 7” | mile afore a feller opens th’ door an’ hollers ter me ter hold fast, an’ I Torn Tompxtns —“* Ves, lady. I've jes’ taken de pledge, yer know, an’ T i ie . ae wanter see whedder my moral stamina is strong enough ter resist de temptation uv | wuz jest a goin’ ter tell him thet I could attend ter my own Lenten re- Grinkin’ it or not.” Its ligious dictates, when th’ car gave a lurch an’ flung me across th’ car ing. in inter a lady's lap, who sassed me A. REGENERATION all th’ rest o' my journey, an’ 1 I" SEEMED very strange and guess she'd ‘a’ lit inter me ef she curious to Bennie that his warn't sorter skeered of th’ live : : Seown. ov! I- wuz takin’ ‘along little sister was born without any preser : ‘ teeth, A few days after the treatn ter sell to a taxidermist. vA fe is baby’s birth the cook was — “Did you sell the owl? : i Wh { deal obliged to go to the dentist to | asked the tavern-keeper, with a eeu cabennmel “os lower sly wink at the listeners. * : zy one day my!" exclaimed Bennie on her Yess b gosh t barack ter return, “what do you think? th’ taxidermist, fer I'd noticed i ingin’ Cook's been to the dentist to get noe thet partridges were bringin’ fif- Cok’ bee a ty cents apiece, and as he only offered a quarter I wrung its head off an’ sold it ter a feller that wanted a partridge.” And Uncle Enos again made the statement that New York was no place for a simple-minded farmer. IF THEY COULD. EN would do better than they M do, In spite of chance and sin's vagaries, If they could only manage to Live up to their obituaries. ACKGROUND—The place H ; in which artists of the impres- A HERCULEAN TASK OF THE COLLEGE MAN. HE!R—One who inherits law- | sionist school keep the beauty Which shall he choose — sheepskin or pigskin ? suits, and intelligibility of their work. wow! I" WAS discovered, aft- er the steamship Udolpho was a day out, that there was a scarcity of eggs in her larder. “We can’t get on without eggs.” said the cook to the steward. * What shall we do?” “I don't know,” replied the latter, “ but if the worst comes to the worst we can get the cap- tain to make the vessel lay to.” UNDOUBTEDLY, Jasper —" What do you think Howells meant when he spoke about one ‘ of his characters being | a ‘hen-minded* woman?” ; | A“ SKUNK" PELT. Jumpuppe —" Ob, 1 Vv Sune-snor Jounnir (¢he boy scout) —"* Well, yer hez got guess he meant that she f 4 z p cr pelt in yer trap dis mornin never thooght about’ any= A GOOD RUN FOR HIS MONEY. | Beaver Jintute (the trapper)—"* Ves, an' I gota‘ pelt’ thn escent i Roysterinc Royton —"‘ It's no wonder I drink, wid all me LAWR in me face, to, Whew! Metudder won'tlemme come'near ‘hing except her OWN aecy advantages for de cojoyment of de beverage. I dou't Kaow 7 | de house fer a mont’ set. who gets a better run fer dere money dan I do." § comicbooks.com