Judge, 1898-01-22 · page 3 of 16
Judge — January 22, 1898 — page 3: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# Judge Magazine Page 53: Satirical Commentary This page contains several standalone satirical pieces rather than unified political cartoons. **"The Way He Broke the News"** (top) mocks a man informing his wife of financial disaster—likely a stock market loss or business failure—by literally throwing objects and acting wildly instead of delivering the news calmly. **"Diamonds Breed Prosperity"** (left column) is a moralistic poem criticizing materialism and selfishness, using diamonds as a symbol of greed. The remaining sections—"Fiery Steeds," "His Opinion," "Her Malady," and "Back in Jail Again"—are brief humorous anecdotes about various social types: an overly ambitious writer, a pretentious man, a woman with misguided missionary zeal, and a repeat offender. These represent common Judge targets: pretension, foolishness, and moral hypocrisy.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
a wo THE WAY HE BROKE THE NEWS. O'Brren (coming up hastily) —"* Excuse me, sorr, are yez th’ mon thot's takin’ names fer th’ nixt year’s city directory ?* Tae MAN —" Lam.” O'BR: Hov yez wrote Pat Riley's name there?” Yes; just now.” Thin scratch it out. He's lift fer parts unknown in a blasht.” DIAMONDS RECUT. ‘Wy ROSPERITY breeds sinners. * The proof of the pudding is in the getting. He who is true to his trust is a hero, but he who smashes a combine is a millionaire. An ill will makes many heirs. Uneasy lies the lad who skips from school. Wise men make proverbs for fools to follow. Selfishness is the root of all I ! Let the dead past be its own LG undertaker. Suckers are born often enough to keep rogues from becoming honest. Men have died from time to time, and worms have eaten them, but it was before cremation came into vogue, EDWARD CLAYTON SAVACE IRREVERENT, BUT TIMELY, Uxctx Mose. Conpsnins (admonishingl))—" Doan’ yo' know, chile, dat ef yo" doan’ stop youah badness youah soul gwine ‘oe be bu'ned up w'en yo" die 2" Son—'*An’ youah sols gwine toe be bu'ned up befo! yo! die ef yo’ doan’ tek youah foot off'n dat stove.” HIS OPINION. oe HAT are you Ww doing, Jim- mie?” * Readin’ th’ dic- tionary through.” “How do you like in?” “Ob, some o° th’ words is good, but others hain't_ much sense in “em,” HER MALADY. Dolly Swift— “ Miss Softsmith thinks } — f FIRE-Y, STEEDS. she has a. mission to Adown the frosty course he speeds teach a Sunday-school On wings of wind and ringing steeds, ENS gy Of ruts ahead quite unaware class of Chinamen. Until his fiery steeds do rear. Sally Gay— Too late he cries in mortal terror. ” 4 fait “+ Alack! I've made a glaring error.” Pshaw! That. isn’t BACK IN JAIL AGAIN, 4 Kind reader. pause ; the moral 's solema— Apmsor i x Pat—'‘Oi tould Biddy whin Oi lift home lasht noight thot Oi'd be back Skate slow and save your spinal column. disease.” befoor marrnin’, an’ it's back Oi am.” comicbooks.com