Judge, 1898-01-01 · page 5 of 18
Judge — January 1, 1898 — page 5: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several short satirical pieces typical of Judge magazine's humor: **"The Genius and the Sponge"** mocks impractical inventors who don't test their own theories—a common target of late 19th-century satire about industrial innovation. **"The Modus Operandi"** jokes about Christmas commercialism and children's demands during the holiday season. **"Personal Property"** is a domestic humor quip about a husband claiming ownership of his wrinkles. **"They Looked Alike to Him"** features an Irishman confusing a bureau with a folding bed—ethnic humor typical of the era. **"The Winning Colors"** celebrates college sports rivalry between Princeton, Harvard, and Yale, ending with the joke that all athletes end up "black and blue" (bruised). **"A Sure Thing"** is a brief joke about wives dismissing their husbands' causes. **"Patriotic Humiliation"** uses Irish dialect humor, with one Irishman embarrassed that another gave him a black eye, preferring to credit a fight with a "nagur" (contemporary racial slur) instead—offensive by modern standards but reflecting period prejudices.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
wuage 5 JUDGE'S FABLES, THE GENIUS AND THE SPONGE, HERE was once a genius who noted that a dry sponge was much lighter than cork. Upon the spur of the moment he deter- mined to revolutionize the manufacture of cork lifeepreservers. Sad to say, the genii made a practical experiment of his wonder- ful discovery—and sank to a watery grave. Moral—Hire others to make the initial experiment, . #, cooK THE MODUS OPERANDI. OP ALL the days to make a strike This Christmas time is best ; The boy now says what he would like, And Santy does the rest. PERSONAL PROPERTY. Wife—"\ notice, dear, that you have five new wrinkles in your face.” Husband —" Well, what of it? They're all mine, anyhow. er > neygers THEY LOOKED ALIKE TO HIM. Hotru-cienk—" What's that noise? What did ye throw that bureau down for? Mr, Gasntower—"1—T thought it was the folding- bed. THE WINNING COLORS. THOUGH to Princeton's tiger royal Many sturdy hearts are loyal, And its champions declare it cannot fail When fai Meets Harvard's crimson banner in aggressive manner— Or, perhaps, the azure pennant of old Vale— Yet, unto my certain knowle Each defender of his coll Every member of the fighting twenty-two— At the battle’s close is wearing, Witnessing his deeds of daring, One duet of common colors—black and blue A SURE THING * Mamma, what is a ‘lost cause’ ?" “Any cause that your dear papa advocates, love.” Morne PENAIE RRTTR MAWTSWICK, eA ars freely PATRIOTIC HUMILIATION F| Mocax—" Good-marmnin’, Dacey. Do yez moind thot Jamesy O'Toole is goin’ round sayin’ thot he gev yez th’ foine pair av black oyes yez wear?” 2 Dacey (sadis}—" Sora th’ day thot Oi hoy t’ admit defate from an O'Toole ; but as Oi had a foight tin minnits pravious t’ his wid a nagur Oi prefers t' give ax Oirishmon th’ credit, aven in makin’ a loier out av mesilf.. D'ye moind?* z comicbooks.com