Judge — December 18, 1897 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Christmas Judge. SEASONABLE SAYINGS OF MR. McGARVEY. UST th’ shmoile av a choild makes th’ heart shtand on its hoind ligs an’ howl fur joy. “Tis nothin’ at all thot sames th’ biggest prisint. “Tis th’ toime t’ r'mimber t’ furgit. “Tis bitter t’ shcold a bit on th’ day than t bursht. “Tis th’ day thot smooths th’ wrinkles from th’ heart. Mulgrew—bad ‘cess to ‘im !—give his woife her prisint in th’ nick. Arrah! but th’ soberist t'ing is a drunk on th’ blissid Christ- mas day. Tis th’ poor little prisint thot makes th’ hungry soul shwell till it burshts its buttons, Shure, ‘tis th’ gayest laugh entoirely thot has a tear-drop on th’ ind av its nose. Th’ prisint av a book toa felly thot can't rade makes’im drunk with de- light. Blissid be th’ mon thot sills a saleskin cloak an makes it cover a multitude av shins. ‘Tis at‘ou- sand dollars Oi spent whin Oi ‘ bought a tin ta cites How would you cint handker- “ Boy—"'I'd rather go to sleep wid half o” one of ‘em in me chief fur Mary tummick.” Ann. ‘Tim Brannagan’s woife give birth t’ a Christmas-tray—a shwate little girl av eight pounds, Thot's th’ foine felly thot says merry Christmas once in a whoile durin’ th’ hot wither. st ‘SIBLE. to wake up an’ find one 0” them “Tis lucky it comes but once in th’ year, fur, b’jakers ! if it come more than thot ‘twould not come at all. Divil a bit av work has Murphy hod fur t’ree mont’s, but he give Mamie a bookay wid a shmoile, an’ th’ tears av her drownded th’ cat, she wor thot plazed. Whin Oi say a funeral on th’ day ‘tis not sad Oi'm falin’, fur it musht be a great pleasure t’ be buried at a toime loike this. HEARD AT ONE OF THREE BALLS GIVEN ON THE BAST SIDE. THE BACHELOR. Grorce Wasiincton-Insky—"* Vell, vot do yer t'ink ov it—isn’t HE admits with a smite that is mocking. | it a shplendit succercess 7" ‘That Christmas no longer consoles ; | NAroLeon Rosensaum—" Maggerniffercent! Unt der elegtric- He hasn't a single stocking o light degorations makes der room so homelike.” That isn't full of holes. Y AN ENTHUSIAST. Ted—" Tom is a great ob- server of the Christmas cus- should say so. He'll kiss an ugly girl just be- cause he happens to catch her under the mistletoe.”* HER CHRISTMAS PRESENT. THE gir with whom I'm smitten, And do my best to woo, Once gave to me the mitten, But now she gives me two. HANDICAPPED. Mrs. Dorcas —" So you're sorry you had me put you in long trousers ? Willie—Nes, ma. Now that Christmas is here I wish I was wearing girls’ stockings again.” ON BAXTER STREET. Prospective customen—"'I see a sign outside your door, * Christmas novelties.’ Where are they ?” ManpeLbaum—"* Vell, vot's der matter mit dem straw hats und bathing-suits ?” comicbooks.com