Judge — December 11, 1897 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

uae COLONEL SELLOUT’S GRIEVANCE. Cem HERE is one man,” said Colonel Sellout with an evil light in his eye that usually caused consternation in African circles, “ who will be lynched the moment he strikes Swampville.” “ What for?” queried a bystander. i “ Well, it was this way. A few weeks ago a committee was sent down by a colony of prospective northern emigrants to look out a location. They made this city their Headquarters, and, hearing of their presence, I came up—as a committee of one— to lay the advantages of Swampville before them in a favorable light, I found them with the usual prejudice against the swamps ; they thought a gun was fired every evening for people to take their quinine by and all that sort of thing. Well, | had succeeded pretty well in convincing them that all that was a mistake, and that it was as healthy there as anywhere, when a thin man— whom I supposed to be one of the party—began to ask questions, “*Swampville?" he mused. ‘1 used to know a good many people there a few years ago.’ “+ Yes?" | answered affably. “*Yes, By the way, how is Colonel Bill Thomson?" “+ Well, the fact is,’ I answered rather uneasily, * the colonel 's dead. He died about two years ago.” ‘Is it possible? I trust Major Hawkins is well.” “*The major is not quite so— COULDN'T UNDERSTAND IT. I may say—in fact, he’s dead too.’ Mr. Dootan—'* Here's an article sez folks is more ugly an’ “+L am sorry to hear that, homicidal in hot weather than in cowd.” ; Mrs. Dootan—"* Faith, an’ Oi don’t see how thot kin be—fer ivery hot shpell th papers say there's lots av humility in the air.”” impressed with the idea that I was the sole surviving citizen of Swampville.” “Tt was a rather unfortunate coincidence that all of the gentleman's acquaintances hap- pened to be dead, wasn’t it?” asked the by- stander, * Acquaintances!" snarled the outraged colonel. “ He didn’t know a one of them. He was a real-estate agent from Hillville who felt pretty certain we'd collar the committee unless he did something; so he had written the day before to the postmaster at Swamp- ville for a list of recent deaths of our promi- nent citizens. He said he was preparing a biographical dictionary of the prominent men of the state. And that is the reason,” added the colonel vindictively, “ why there will be a holiday when that man strikes Swampville.” JR. TAYLOR, 1. Bax-KeerER—" Settle for that glass you broke, or you'll feel something drop, Hear me ?—— sure. Captain Bill Streater is the same old fellow, is he?" “*No, not exactly,’ | answered with growing embarrassment. ‘To tell the truth—ahem !—-Bill, he died last month.” “* Bill Streater dead! And Colonel Pokerton ?’ “+ Dead,’ I answered shortly. “You can imagine what an effect such a con- versation had on the committee. They were firmly **T pidied a poor man dot gome in for a loan to-day.” IIL, HARD-HEADED JACKSON —"'I guess yo'll Und dit you do anyding for him?” feel sumfin’ drop w’en yo" settles fo' de glass yo broke. I knocked off part obf der ind'rust und only sharged him dwenty ber cent.” Heah me?" comicbooks.cdm