Judge — December 11, 1897 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ARISTOTELIAN PHILOSOPHY. UMORS have come to us, oh, stranger,” remarked the shade of Aristotle, “ of an invention whereby the present men of earth believe that they can converse the one with the other though distant many parasangs.” “Never heard of a parasang,” replied the newly- arrived shade; “but I've seen parachute descents that would do your heart good to see, You're all right about the tele- phone, though,” “ Moreover, we have heard of a strange chariot sent by Zeus to pro- pel itself through the streets of some of your cities, without horses to draw it, whereby many perish—since whom the gods love die young. One who came hither of late told of a button which men touched and lo! the whole city was lighted as with the light of the mid-day sun. And one spoke of men—yea, and of women— THE SAME THING. SPOKESMAN (of commitiee)—"* Yo! said in yo'r suhmon las’ Sunday, pahson, dat dar wouldn’ be propelling themselves upon two chariot-wheels, placed — enny cullud pussons in heaben. the one before the other, riding as upon the wings of Parson—"' No, breddren. Whad Ah said wuz dat pussons wif chicken-stealin’ propenserties ss couldn’ git toe heaben.” SrokesMAN—"‘Adzackly ; but while de phrasyology am diff rent de sentiment am de same" nn the wind.” the new shade. “Riding on wind is good. Hasn’t the pneumatic tire reach- ed here yet? My! what a cinder-path we could make if you stood in with Pluto.” Icarus and Daedalus,” continued Aristotle, fell in but lately with a new shade, who brought tidings of contin- tued experimentation with the flying- machine. Whereat, recalling their own experience, they were moved to much mirth.” “Well, the laugh ‘s on them," re- al mi SSR plied the new- comer. “The flying- All ‘ig! machine is a go, sure. Everybody be- RINT lieves in it now.” ) aa Y, mL y ‘There was a suggestion of triumph M WER, TU z \ in Aristotle's voice as he turned to his Mi, fellow-members of the Stygian school -— ” of scientific research, = “I think, brethren,” he remarked, “in view of the tidings our new mem- SYMPATHY SHOULD BEGIN AT HOME, ber brings us, that we needn't healtate BoARDING-HoUsE. KEEPER—" How sorry I feel for those poor Klondike miners this cold weather !"* to believe in Jonah’s whale and George Boaxper—" Madam, there's no need of going so far to place your sympathy. You seem to have forgotten that Washington's hatchet a. while yet.” 1 occupy one of your hall-rooms.”* | i “You've hit it, old man,” replied ij ALBERT &, MOYT. TO THE MANNEK BORN, SuNsEr Sims (thought/ully)—" Bill, when you an’ me die an’ go ter de good place do yer s'pose we'll feel strange dere ?” Weary WILLIE—" W’y, uv course not. We're de on’y folks dat'll feel natural. Heaven is a place uv eternal rest, yer know.” comicbooks.com