Judge — December 4, 1897 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

hae A_FISH-STORY. sSHOWEVER."re~ marked the old member of the Whale- and-Jonah club, wiping his mouth on a corner of the table-cloth and proceeding to distrib- ute a few loose and liebiginous statements, “as 1 was about to promulgate, whatever may be said of the strange objects of nat- ural: history reported from Australia and other South-sea locali- ties, such as animals with feathers on them, birds with hoofs, and fish with legs, there is nothing more remark- able than can be found at our very doors.”” “Where's that?” inquired a listener who had a dead cherry-tree in his back-yard with a little hatchet sticking in it. * Right down here around the mouth of Chesapeake bay and along the bays and inlets of North Carolina. Oddest people down there you ever saw, too. Been living on those sand-spits till the sand ‘s so worked into their skins that a man can light a match on his trousers without having his trousers on.” “ DOG-ON-IT !" 1, Fat nen-turx! approacheth with an ax Farewell, my love! MATHEMATICAL PROGRESSION, OW odd the twists and turns of fate— The greed of gain that so en- trances The fools to walk in crooked ways ‘Oft leads to straitened circum- stances. NEW PHASE OF THE QUESTION. Secretary of the navy— “ What is your pleasure, ladies?” Spokeswoman —" | — er — believe you call a man-of-war ‘she,’ don’t you?” Secretary of the navy— “Yes, madam.” Spokeswoman — Well, then, we demand that you call her a woman-of-war.” The farmer hath eyed me of late, and yonder he IL. Fawser—'* 1 guess I better let up drinkin’ hard cider. yer a minnit ago.” ALL THE LATEST TUNES OF THE DAY AN ASIATIC MISTAKE. “Here, ye bloomin’ foreigners ! what are ye doin’ there? This ain't no Turk- ish smokin'-room ; that’s a phonograph.”* “Huh!” sniffed the man with the little hatchet at home. “And, still stranger,” continued the old member, “speaking of animals with feathers on them, I want to say to you people here that the water-fowl down there in those sounds eat so many fish that when they lay eggs that you think are eggs they are nothing of the sort, but when you break them open you find fish-meat inside of them instead of egg- meat.” The man with a little hatchet at home choked and could not speak, but he hit the table a protest ing thwack. “It’s gospel I'm telling you,” insisted the old member; “and what is still to be told of those eggs is that they've got bones in them—bones, sir.” And the man with the little hatchet at home got up and walked out to take a look at it. WJ. LAMPTON. CAUSE FOR EXCEPTION. A FELLOW was snow-balled hard last night, And all except me laughed at the sight ; No, I didn’t laugh, and the reason why, The fellow they snow-balled so was I. A NEW WORD FROM BOSTON. Chicago girl—" What was there peculiar about their marriage?” Boston gir!— Oh, nothing much; only he was a widower and she was a widowee.” I could ‘a’ sworn I saw a hen-turkey comicbooks.com