Judge, 1897-11-13 · page 10 of 16
Judge — November 13, 1897 — page 10: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains multiple brief satirical pieces targeting Victorian-era social pretensions and absurdities: **"Inevitable"** mocks actresses' professional necessity to reconcile with quarreling partners for their livelihoods. **"What He Would Be"** satirizes a child's aspiration to become a Methodist minister—implying it's an undesirable outcome equivalent to punishment, likely critiquing either religious hypocrisy or the profession's low regard. **New York vs. Philadelphia** jokes about provincial pride, with New Yorkers incredulous that anyone could prefer Philadelphia, treating such preference as evidence of fundamental human oddity. **"Infantry Blue"** plays on miscommunication: a shopkeeper mistakes military ribbon terminology for baby products, the humor deriving from conflated meanings. **"Taking No Chances"** depicts a cautious Black farmhand (Sunset Sims) negotiating meal payment by questioning the water pump's type—suggesting wariness about working conditions or compensation. **"Serious Objection"** mocks spiritualism: a skeptic attending a séance cannot be convinced by contacting his "departed brother" because his brothers are alive—exposing the medium's charlatan nature.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
INEVITABLE. YOU quarrel with an actress Do not drain of sorrow's cup; For to earn her bread and butter She must very soon make up. WHAT HE WOULD BE. Mother (holding a stick over her four- year-old son) —" Now, Sammy, what will you be if I don't whip you ?” (Expecting the answer “A good boy.”) Sammy (sobbing) —" A Mef'diss minister.” First New-Yorker—'I met aman this morning who said he preferred Philadelphia to New York.” SECOND New-VorKER— ‘Great Scott ! I can’t conceive of any one having such a preference. What sort of a being was he?” First New-Yorker—'A Philadelphian.” “INFANTRY BLUE.” (COLONEL R the well-known army officer, sta- tioned near New York, being in need of some “ infant- ry-blue” ribbon, from which to suspend one of his deco- rations, asked his wife to purchase some. On her next shopping expedition Mrs. R—— asked the pretty young woman who presides over the counter of one of our largest stores for it. “ Infantry blue,” said the young woman thoughtfully —"‘oh, yes, we have it. It’s at the other end of the counter. Forward, show the lady some baby-blue ribbon.” TAKING NO CHANCES. Farmer Cornrep— If I give you a meal will you help me a little with my milking 7” Sunset Sims (cautiously)—"* Dat depends on w'ot kind of a pump you use," PUZZLED. [ GUESS 1 don't quite understand, But when they said ‘Go out and play, For when I fell and cut my hand, But do not ever run away,” And everybody was so kind, I never minded. Wish I had. The grown-up folks said “Never mind,” They've punished me for being bad, Y \ ly, ) h Pa mT POURING OIL ON THE FIRE. A SERIOUS OBJECTION. Yor vhat makes the baby cry so, nurse 2” Spirrr- MEDIUM (fo skeptic) — ‘* Now that you have con- Gnees NuRsE —" Oi tink he has colic, mum." versed with the spirit of your departed brother. are you not YouxG MoTHER—"*An’ can't you do anything for him 7" convinced? Ilave you any more objections to offer ?” Green Nurse —'* Shure, mum, Oi've pit a mushtard plashter on his stummick, Skeptic —"* None except the fact that my brothers are but it seems to give him no relafe at all, at all." all living.” | comicbooks.com ; " s [ cem= (S23 = — sey