Judge — October 30, 1897 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

282 pee GULCH CHOOTS |S BITS A Suoy Hvar ye are, yer wild kyutes, Hyars yer chaince ter shoot ther choots ; ‘They're th’ on'y wuns ter shoot fer miles eroun’, Ante up yer bits, yer bummers ; It's er quarter ter all comers, An’ ther greatest of sensations chootin’ down. So waltz up in this direction ‘An’ go down in my protection. When yer hit th’ pond kerswosh yer'll never frown. Yer hev all shot bars an’ greasers, Tenderfeet, Piutes, perlice-ers, But yer heven't shot the choots of Dead Gulch town, PAST PRAYING FOR, FREEZING KLONDIKER (chatteringly)—** We'll soon be froze to death, Bill—and just think of our past wicked life !" Bitt—** Dere’s one consolation, Jim ; it ‘ll be comfortable fer a while when we get dere.” A SAFE STEED. Mrs, Timidity— “You are sure this horse is perfectly safe —there is no danger of his running away?” Liveryman—"No, indeed, ma‘am! Why, we call him ‘Lord Nelson.’ ” \ Mrs. Timidity— “That is a very funny name fora horse. Why do you call him so?” Liveryman—" Be- cause he ‘ would rather die than run.” THE DEAD GULCH CHUTES. HERE is no more delicate compli- ment to a first mar- riage than a second alliance. A VERDANT IDEA. ** My deah madam, why is your husband driving that rollah all over this ground ?” * Goin’ ter raise oats.” * Ab! Rolled oats, I suppose.” Now then, all you mossback miners, ‘Three-card-monte men an’ shiners, ‘Take a shot upon me choots an” yer will say Thet no shootin’ kin be quicker An’ my choots a dern site slicker ‘Than th’ shootin'-matches you see every day. So now then, you gay galoots, Sports, butt-shooters of th’ Buttes, Mosey up hyar now an’ git on board ther slide. Wen th’ fust car down'ards skips, Should ther load pass in thar chips T'll buy crape fer them who shoot ther great divide. "Ww. R. COOK. SMART MR. SPATTS. a | SUPPOSE that this is called angel-cake,” said Mr. Hunker as he sat at Mrs. Small’s tea-table, " because it is warranted to make an angel of anybody who eats it. “No, replied Mr. Spatts promptly. “It is called angel-cake because an angel baked it.” And Mrs. Small beamed on him and did not ask him for money for a whole week, although his board- bill was a month in arrears, WELL, RATHER NOT. THe CANNIBAL QUEEN—"'I really can't see any reason for inventing a chainless wheel. Now, I never had any trouble with my skirt catching in the chain.” ; comicbooks.com