Judge — October 23, 1897 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

262 . Sudge SUPPOSING. OU all know the man who supposes. You find him everywhere, and because he is of a bilious tempera- ment he is always supposing things that never happen. The other day he was sitting on a bench in City-hall park, evidently meditating deeply, when a kindly editor came along and exclaimed, “A penny a word for your thoughts.” “Oh, I was just thinking about rich men and how the scripture says that it is harder for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than it would be for a rich man to enter heaven, and I was just supposing that if I were to call on a rich man and have a talk with him things would happen pretty much this way: When I managed to get in to him, through all the red tape, he would probably say, ‘ Well, sir, what do you want?" Then I would say to him, ‘Oh, nothing in particular.” Then he would probably say to me, ‘I have no time to waste on you.’ Then I would say to him,‘ I suppose that is because with you “time is money.” * Then I suppose he would say to me, ‘That's just what it is.’ Then I'd say to him, ‘I understand your time is money, but I am laying bets that your eter- nity will be fire and brimstone.’ Then I'd laugh.” GRANE apples do be th’ air- ships thot carry many th’ soul to’ hivin, \). 1. “Waiter !— ALWAYS DISCONTENTED. . ‘W ELL, Mr. Cloverseed,” said Glanders to the farmer,“ you agriculturists are get- ting good prices now for your wheat and pota- toes, butter and eggs.” “Waal, fairly good,” replied the farmer; “but it sorter grinds to read of the prices prod- 2 uce is bringin’ up in Klondike.” AG mal NAILED. Runwer-1N—" That kind of coat, sir, we have sold up to date for fifteen dollars. We are now offering them for five.”” ‘THE DESIRED CUSTOMER—"'And you've got the gall to openly admit that you've been gouging people to that extent !* First conpuctor—"'I had to put a lady off this morning on ac- count of not being able to pay her fare.” SkcoxD conDUCTO! Fixst conpuctor— C Co ) \os. > ( fs THE CAUSE OF HER LOSS. * Lost pocket-book, eh 7" No; she said she had a hole in her stocking.” COALS OF FIRE. HO set this vase of roses all in bloom Within my quiet room ? Upon my study-table, where I write, ‘They glow with crimson and they gleam with white, Filling the air with exquisite perfume. Whose but her hand hath so remembered me With roses fair to see? Crimson for love—she loves me well, I know ; White for forgiveness—‘twas but an hour ago There passed a word unkind to her from me. No answering flash of anger or surprise Dawned in her eyes : Only a gentle sorrow. Now I see By this sweet token what she thought of me. If she'd but scold! A scolding I should prize. But, dear, sweet wife, the peace-offering you bring. Sweet though it is, bears its own private sting. I've heard of coals of fire. They're on my head ; You placed them there in form of roses red. Why don't you scold? I'd take my just deserts. But such a gift as this—somehow it hurts Far worse than anything. Crimson for love, and for forgiveness white. Yes, you are right. Dear wife, my heart is sore with true regret to-night. Your punishment is best ; the coals shall burn Deep down into my conscience till | turn From these rough, mannish ways and look to you As guide and helper, tender, wise and true. WARKIRT PREANCENK CROCKRR, 3 “I'm very ticklish, sir.” comichooks.cojn