Judge — October 16, 1897 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

246 wage EXTRACTS FROM PROFESSOR DARKE’S LECTURE ON AMUSEMENT AND INSTRUCTION. post. All ob yo’ knows by a glance dat I hab toe git may ear-muffs made toe ordah in winter -tahm. Dar yo’ is fo’ pussonificashun ob de“ inscrutability ob providence "— de fac’ dat de Lawd gibs me sech a big pair ob ears toe heah so little wid. Am I lucid? Ww. B. COOK. NOT IN THEIR LINE. HAT “health is wealth” most all Will readily admit ; Yet doctors I recall Who have grave doubts of it. WHOSE, TO BE SURE? Everett Wrest—" Here's a wo- man’s conference has adopted reso- lutions denouncing men who let their wives support them.” Whose wi support us s, pray, should we let ITS POWER OF ATTRACTION. ID you enjoy Scribley's last book?” joy it? Great Scott! My glass eye stayed up and read it after I'd gone to bed.” UP IN FIGURES. Teacher —* Come, come, Dick; what comes after ten?” Dick—"Eight, nine,ten—er—I dunno.” Teacher—" Bobby, can you tell Dick what comes after ten?” Bobby —* Yes'm— jack. queen and king.” Secor wae NECESSARY TO KNOW. Mrs. Pepper—" They say Cousin Hen- ry’s wife is a new woman.” Mr. Pepper (who deals in bicycles, ab- sently)—"Ah, what make is she ?” First miner—"* Hold, Bill ! Bite. (momentarily checked) BEGS dar ‘Il be less titterin’ communica- shuns among dis augience. Ef dere’s enny laffin’ toe be done all ob yo" git toeged- der at de propah moment at de eend ob one ob mah sentences, Whad am de diffrence atween mahse’f an’ dis augience toe-night? Well, I'll tole yo’. Yo" expec’s me toe hol’ down dese boa'ds, an’ I'm in hopes dat dese boa’ds ‘Il hol’ me up. Dar am a chance fo’ a legitimit giggle. (Laughter and applause.) “ Whar am de hidin’-place ob de wind ?” Dat am a favorite subjec’ fo’ cullud leckshur- ers, de reason bein’ dat no skiptics kin answer it but one, an’ dat one ‘s yo’ humble sarbent. Whar am de hidin’-place ob de wind? Why, in one 6b dem pnoomatic tires, toe be shuah, (Great applause.) I hab bin asked by de kimmittee dis ebenin’ toe gib a general deffernishun ob de meanin’ ob “‘inscrutability ob providence.” Berry good. De word inscrutability means, gin'rally speakin’, “whad yo’ kain't maik haid nor tail ob.” Providence means “ pro- vishun by de Deity.” All ob yo’ who know me puss’nally knows dat I is deefer dan a ANOTHER KLONDIKE. REPORT, Would you commit suicide 2” Why not? I've only mined out sixteen thou- Manny A. Mann—*The idea! sand dollars this week, and I owe the landlady fifteen thousand dollars for last week's table-board.” FIRST MINER (turning Ais head)—"* Pardon me, Bill; I didn't know. the trigger.” THE SPOT WHERE BIG CROPS CAN ALWAYS BE RAISED. IN OCTOBER. THe pennants of the autumn wave Above the castellated hills, Their glory mirrored in the lave Of softly undulating rills. The moors are swept by purple flame Of sumach bending to the breeze, And scarlet creepers seem to claim For martyrs’ death the priestly trees. Sweet Phyllis will not hear me blame The robber squirrels, as they flash, For firing in their wanton game The temples that will turn to ash ; For robber of my heart is she. The precious store I put in trust She took, and now she will not see ‘The flame that’s turning all to dust. RANDALL KEKPUS SAUNDERS, WISDOM is the realization of knowing the minimum. Ig- norance is the pretension of know- ing the maximum, SHE PREFERRED IT, AURURN-HAIRED AGENT—" Before T used this hair-restorer I was as bald as you, madam. Now look at my hair.” Mas, O'HooLey—"* Hoot ! an’ it’s me owld bald shkull thot Oi prefer to yer shcramin’ red head.” : i comicbooks.com