Judge — October 9, 1897 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE ANANIAS CLUB. T WAS at one of the regular weekly meetings of the Ananias club, and there was a candidate for admission. According to the invariable custom of the club the officers told stories and at their conclusion the initiate was required to make an effort, Immediately thereafter the balloting took place. If the mem- bers were satisfied that his story showed him to be a worthy com- panion they elected him one of their number; but if they were dissatis- fied with it he was blackballed without mercy. “om, 1 Dun'T KNOW.” On this occasion the grand ex- alted chief liar, the highest officer of the club, said, “1 was fishing in Buckskin creek a few weeks ago, and for nearly two hours I had no luck at all. 1 was begin- | ning to think I had better return home when I felt a tug at my | THE LANDLORD" You don't suppose I'm, coming up three flights of stairs every line, and 1 hooked what at first | thought was an eel, As 1 Oy RT OLE Tet hy don't you move me down on the ground floor ?” hauled the creature in, however, I found that it was a big water- snake. ‘The reptile was ten feet long and swollen in the middle “Is that a fish-story or a snake-story?” asked the vice-grand exalted liar, who to enormous dimensions. I promptly killed him, and found — then proceeded to say, “ My story is a very short one. I borrowed an umbrella of inside no fewer than two hundred and fifty-three trout, which 1 Jones yesterday, when it was raining hard, but I returned it to him this morning emptied into a little pool. They soon recovered from the coma- before he was up.” tose state in which they had been thrown by the process of “ Well, it seems to be my turn,” said the grand mendacious scribe, “As most swallowing, and when 1 took them home they were as fine eating of you know, I was married something like six months ago. When my wife and I as any trout I ever ate.” went to housekeeping we had the fortune to obtain an excellent cook; and, gentle- men, although we live fifteen miles in the country, that cook is with us stil “Tt is now your turn,” said the pre- siding officer as he turned to the applicant for membership, who stood up and began, “Well, gentlemen, the incident I am about to narrate took place last week. I was going to the park ona bicycle, It was the very first time I had ever been on a wheel, and I was riding with the ease and grace of an expert, when "— The candidate was interrupted by wild shouts from the members.“ That's enough!” they cried. “* Proceed to ballot ing.” He was elected unanimously. STANKYS, $4 NO INFRINGEMENT. ETHEL—""' I'm sorry to see you so very distant with your next-door neighbor, Jack van Dusen. The bible says you should love your neighbor as yourself, you know.” Dororny—"' Ves; but I'm not at all stuck on myself, you know." MARY OF JONESBURG. H, BEAUTIFUL Mary of Jonesburg town, With your dusky locks and’ your eyes of brown, You come like a breath of the country air From the cotton. and corn-fielis over there, Ia the good old hills of west Tennessee ; So blithesome and bright, so fresh and so free, And as queen of belles I vote you a crown, Oh, beautiful Mary of Jonesburg town. Mary of Jonesburg, I can see there still The Methodist church on the old green hill ; ‘Then the wood where the redbird rears his crest, And the fence where the bluebird builds his nest. I see the school-house in the.field of sedge, And the old saw-mill on the village’s edge Where the Democrats come from the country down To carry the box of your Jonesburg town. Mary of Jonesburg, though your frock be plain You never know need of a sweeping train, Your laughter, as light as a cat-bird’s call ; Your sighing, ‘as soft as a peach-bloom’s fall ; Your cheeks, as ruddy as apples in June, Have thrilled my old heart-strings back into tune. No duchess so fair in her silken gown As beautiful Mary of Jonesburg town, Mary of Jonesburg. here in New Vork town I sigh for your smile and your eves of brown. ‘Though free-silver rules in the Jonesburg fold Your heatt, Iam sure, is a heart of gold- Though I see Wall street, or on Broadway tread, 1 find your enchantments have turned my head, a eae ones se ‘And my heart steals back to be there Sal Bae A HINT TO THE ACTORS CONTEMPLATING At the feet of Mary of Jonesburg town, AFRICAN TOUKS. watTam MALONE How they egg poor Richard III, in the land of the ostrich comicbooks.com