Judge — October 9, 1897 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

228 uapge DIDN'T KNOW HOW. THE heroines who cried for help Were really far from wise ; For when we want it in these days We simply advertise. NOTA BENE. Uncle Si—* M'riar, 1 think Cousin Boston is that hard up he's actually starvin’.”. ¢ Aunt M'riar —“ For the land sake, Silas ! Uncle Si—" Yes; when 1 ‘wuz to taown I passed his house. It's fer sale. an’ thar’s a big sign up sayin’ ‘ Not a bean.’ ” PROVOKING INDEED! STHAT Charley Porkly is horrid.” “Why, dear! I thought you and he were engaged.” “We are, but last night I told him he was too good for me, and the conceited coxcomb didn’t deny it.” sCopyright, 1896, by B. J. Fath JUDGE'S FAVORITES. MINNIE. ASHLEY T saw you play 19 pantomime— Te'was the first and only tme— "A minor role, though specious, And then I thought that you were nke ‘The golden nugget of Klondike— NOT TO BE OUTDONE. First boy —" We've got a dandy lot o' blackberry bushes.” Second boy —“ Huh! so've my ii Ht |e He . abneisick | ~ TTT a Fing Of EF re cartes (I gd FACETIOUSNESS IN FUR. SHamUs O'BrrEN (just over) — ** Well, phwat the divil do yez cahl yersilf, onyhow ?” Monk —'""Sh I I'm de last ov de Irish kings, an’ youse 'd better sneak before the manager spots yer fer me understudy.” GIVE THE DEVIL HIS DUE. + SYES, sir.” said Jack Dashaway fiercely, “ I've sold my tandem! I got thoroughly cured of doing all the pumping and then hearing that the girl I took out bragged about her wonderful endurance to ride twenty miles and never feel tired.” CONSISTENCY. VEGETARIAN CkANK—"* My friends, life is as dear to the dumb animals as to man, and it would be impossible for me to satisfy a want that necessitates the taking of their lives.” INDIVIDUAL. (pointing to vegetarian crank s number-nine shoet)—" Say, pard, did the calf that once owned the hide in those shoes die a natural death or commit suicide ?” ANOTHER REMARKABLE CURE, oy NERVELEY was not in need of medicine. I gave him some bread-pills and he promptly recovered.” “Ah, I see; a triumph of mind over what's the matter, eh?” THE IRONY OF FATE. GHE was almost eaten by Zulus in Africa, had escaped the famine in India, recovered from cholera in China, and came home, after twenty years of foreign missionary work, to end her days peacefully, only to break her neck the first time she tried to ride an American bicycle. NO CAUSE FOR REPROOF. Father— Now, look here, Grace! that new bicycle-skirt of yours is altogether too short. You don’t look modest in it.” Grace (pouting) —" Why, papa, | always wear a thick veil.” oN SLANGY. * Blowing in his tin. * not looking well. are subject to pains in your head ?” QUITE IMPOSSIBLE. Miss Gabbington—" Why, Mr. Primpley, you're Is it a fact, as reported, that you Primpley —* No; there's nothing in it.” IT HAD THE OPPOSITE EFFECT. Tux HyPNoTIsT (making the mysterious passes over the medium's forehead )—* Now, sit, Lasie you, can you now go to sleep?” “* Well, if yer stop yer darn fingerin’ on my head I think I could go to sleep.” comicbooks.com