Judge — August 7, 1897 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

AN UNFINISHED REPRIMAND, PARson (severeis) an’ yo'ah wife had woke you fru a bottle ob sperrits in yo'ah pew Buotitex Jones (soho ts prepared )—"Ah knows dat. bottle ob rum wid arsenic in hit fo" toe rub de laigs ob mah lame mewl, an’ "—— Panson (Aurried)—" Fo’ de Lawd’s sake, brudder! whad am de propali antydote ?* RAPID TRANSIT IN KENTUCKY. ACCORDING to the maps the little town of G—, in Kentucky, has two railroads. As a matter of fact, one of the roads lies a mile to the east of the town and the other about the same distance to the west. The con- necting link is formed by a street-car line with an equipment of one bob- tailed car, one aged and sleepy mule, and one driver, who is also conductor. One sultry afternoon in August a traveler alighted from the train at the eastern station He was a short, fat man, with a very red face and a very bad temper. The low stature was his by inheritance from a long line of short ancestors; his corpulence and ruddi- ness of visage had been acquired by means of good living; but the bad temper had been thrust upon him as the result of a long and dusty journey, and was not improved by the fact that the train was over an hour late. Approaching a knot of loungers, the stranger inquired the way to the P. D. and Q. station, "1 reckon you'd better take the yah, stranger,” drawled a tall, lank specimen of the “pore white” class, * Hit’s nigh onto three mile over tha anking his informant, the trav- cler boarded the car and waited impa- tiently for it to start. After a few moments the driver emerged from the station and leisurely took his place on the front platform. “Do you all want to go over to the other depot ?” he inquired. “Yes, Ido!” snapped the ranger; “and Fm in a hurry too. 1 got to Brudder Jones, arter de serbices dis mawnin’ o'ah nap an’ took yo" home, Ah foun’ Eriiei—" Were you ever done in oil, Mr. Lambkin ?” N: Mx. Lami catch the four-thirty trai “Oh, wa-al, I reck- on we'll make it all right. She's ginerally behind time.” With this encour- aging information the driver roused the mule from a profound rev- erie and the car start- ed. It moved very slowly, but that was better than standing still. The passenger was beginning to hope that he might catch his train. They had not gone far, however, when the car stopped A man was running across a vacant lot to- ward the road. “Hello, said the driver. in’ over town?” “Nope,” was. the reply. “Jest wanted to ask you fer a chaw o terbacker. I left mine to home. The driver produc- ed a plug of generous proportions Cut off a piece, so’s you'll have enough to last a while,” he said as the other prepared to bite off a corner.“ Any news?” “ Nuthin’ much, Hear about Jim Wallace's setter pup?” “No. What's the matter of him?” “Dead. Some ornery cuss pizened him.” “ Say, that’s too dern bad. 1 wonder who done it?” The passenger could restrain his impatience no longer. | «+See here!" he interrupted; we'll miss that train if you stand here gassing much longer.” “That's so,” assented the driver. «I reckon we'd better move along. So long, Hank. Some distance further on the driv- er stopped the car in front of a saloon and got out. “ Where are you going now?” de- manded the passenger. “Jest goin’ in here to git a mint julep. Won't you all jine me?” ‘0, | won't; and what's more, you won't go in there, Come back here and take me over to the station. You know I'm in a hurry.” hat's all right, stranger; but a man kain't drive a mule-kyah all day without gittin’ thirsty. Ef you're in sech a sweat jest drive the kyah your- self. You kin leave it over thar. The mule won't run away.” “TI be hanged if Ill drive!” shouted the now thoroughly exasper- ated passenger. “ You come back here and drive, or I'll report you to the com- Hank!" "Go- A WILDCAT CONCERN. Mrs. Kynpe- Poor man! and so you were thrown cout of employment ?* ARTIFICIAL OAKLEY—"' Yes, leddy; der dynamite. fact'ry I worked fer went up.” Tt wuz a “Oh, you will, eh?” chuckled the driver,“ Waal, now's your chance.” * What do you mean?” * Why, stranger, I'm the company. T own the road en’ the kyah en’ the mule; en’ ef you don’t like my style o’ runnin’ things you'd better buy a street-kyah line o” your own. This here line ‘s goin’ to suspend business fer the rest 0’ the day. So lon; ISAAC ANDERSON, —** Er—no; but I've been done in wheat several times.” comicbooks.com ;