Judge — August 7, 1897 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

EVERYTHING IN ITS PLACE, HE shook her head, the roguish maid— ‘ 1 ; f She shook her head when I essayed * To kiss her finger-tips. She shook her head—half pout, half smile ; She shook her head, but blushed the while And pointed to her lips! AnH FROM JUDGE’S DICTION- ARY. FFAIR— Almost anything that comes within range of human ken. Function — This word is used to express anything not included in the idea of affair, Thing —A fragment of our lan- 4 Z guage which is brought into play when er ‘ ‘ K the two preceding words have ex- cae hausted their usefulness. : Nagging—An instrument of tort- 3 z : S an ure which is reduced to a fine art by some men and many women. It consists principally in iron- ical words, gestures, tears and grimaces, innuendoes, slights and bickerings which derive most of their venom and provo- pOueTFUL CONVERAON. be cativeness from their intangible character, It is much prac- Reverenn Jinxs (joyfully)—"' Do I understand that both your father and the hired so ticed by persons with morbid imaginations and cankered man are inside, praying for rain?” hearts, who think their mission in the world is to swell the Bov—"" Dat's wot I sed, Mr. Jinks, Th’ hired man wants ter go fishin’ ter-morrer, an’ suicide statistics, ‘The disease has never been scientifically 444 wants it ter pour an’ spile our measly nayber’s hay thet he's left aout over-night, b’gosh !* treated, but the surest cure, as in the case of Mrs. Gummidge, the “lone lorn creetur,” is the substitution of real for imagi- AS GOOD AS A WATCH. nary troubles. EDWARD CLAYTON SAVAGE. Lawyer— You sav your watch had stopped, but that this man entered your place : at just half-past seven in the morning. Now, how do you know it was half-past seven ?" Bar- tender —" Colonel Blood had just drank his cocktail.” WIDELY READ. E WROTE with rapidity, easy lucidity, To make both ends meet ‘twas likewise with avidity ; But though he wrote on as by steam, so to speak, He'd find place for but one contribution a week. He was not discouraged, nor eased up a particle, ‘Though only one paper accepted his article ; He now writes for fifty, which simply would indicate Instead of that paper ‘tis sent to a syndicate. Po a A GREAT HELP. “* Throw me a rope, quick! I'm drown. —throw yer it." Pat—"Alll roight, Pll — AT SEVEN IN THE MORNING. WHEN strikes the hour and it is time to rise, When carts, confound them! make the pavement ring, atue longer yet I crouch and cling And ‘neath my shoulder tuck the draperies Of my snug couch. I know stern duty calls, I know that breakfast ’s ready—yes, I know The clamoring interests of the world below Are summoning me, but I don’t care at all, Nay—on the contrary, I question what Life's ceaseless grind can offer half so good As the sweet comfort of my present lot ? Why must | ever leave this one blest spot ? Why seek the bubble fame, the phantom gold ? What's better than the best, which I have here— Safety from toil and weariness—from cold, Accidents, debts and duns—from danger, fear, Q -_ eT eee = ON THE BOWERY : Hockstirret.—"* Vy, Blumenitzky !"— And all the fateful ills that vex life so? Buusextrzky—" Hush! not $0 loud, or I shall be ruint, Nay—would the kind gods bless me as they Verse ter glothin’ peesness is blayed out, so I haf hit upon dis ‘eal bearded-lady scheme to make a few honest dollars. I am on de . a oe posters as * Miriam de oriental beauty,’ mit great success ; und Td ask no better gift, when all is said, don’t say nothin’, but I haf a mash on de livin’ skelington in ‘Than just to be allowed to stay in bed. dis place, who vants to marry me und who is all proke up pe- MADELINE & meince cause I von't say yes.” TUNING AUXILIARY, A monkey wrench, comicbooks.com