Judge, 1897-06-12 · page 7 of 18
Judge — June 12, 1897 — page 7: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains multiple brief humorous pieces satirizing late-19th/early-20th-century American social life: **"Marjory's Just Eighteen"** celebrates the debutante season—the formal introduction of eligible young women to society. The verses mock how marriageable girls enchant suitors, while questioning whether men's ardor will survive when she's "fifty and stout." **"She Was Cold"** is a simple pun: a New York visitor, shivering at a Boston reception, suggests ice cream might *warm* him—implying Boston society is cold/unwelcoming. **"It's an Ill Wind"** uses dialect humor: an Irish character finds his mother's pneumonia diagnosis good news because she can't bathe him for a month—allowing him to drink bourbon guilt-free. **"Mistaken Gentility"** ridicules a man boasting about his carriage-driving past, only to reveal he was a coachman (servant) for the wealthy Vanderbilts, not an owner. **"An Elopement"** offers a wordplay joke: a wife leaves her husband; when told "a man has taken your life," he misunderstands, thinking of his wife as "his life." The artwork features period-appropriate illustrations of fashionable society figures.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
MARJORY \\ \ STA nkwS, When the season is o'er And her triumph ’s assured She will hold out her hand with a smile To some one or other, approved by her mother, With fame and a fortune worth while, She's a débutante now, And enslaves us somehow, Coquetting with smile or pout, ‘Till the club we'd desert For the sad little flirt, Though Marjory’s just come out 6. HURT. SHE WAS COLD. Boston girl (at a reception) — * Won't you have some ice-cream ?” New-Vorker (shivering) — “Thank you; I believe it would warm me up a little.” EVIDENTLY NOT. ‘Three balls!" vas a Christian game ’S JUST EIGHTEEN. ITH her quaint, fetching togs And a maid—and mamma, And a chaperon always on hand, She enters society ; greets with propriety Maidens and men of the land. She's bewitching ; her glance Is enough to entrance And keep you in maddening doubt. Oh, her heart is her own ; We must leave it alone, For Marjory ’s just come out. REPRAIN. Dainty, winning, She is a little queen Who treads on the hearts of her subjects. Sage Oh, Marjory ‘s just eighteen ! And | wonder, when years have passed over And she is most fifty and stout, If our love we'll confess And still plead for her yes, ‘As when Marjory first came out. With adorers on hand To control and command, She dances through life like an elf. Her laugh is so ringing it cannot help bringing Our hearts to her dear little self. She enthuses and beams On us all till it seems Delightful to have her about. Life ‘s no longer the same, ‘And Dan Cupid 's to blame, For Marjory 's just come out. “IT’S AN ILL WIND,” ETC, Brotner Tox—" Cheer up, Bobbie: 1's got good news fer yer. De doctor told mom it wos noomonia w'ot yer sick wid an’dat she dasn't give yer a bath fer Year, sah.” a month.” some fine old bourbon.” ously with whisky that I've sworn off, sah, Let the procession move.” And it did, SOME OTHER FELLOW. MY ENGAGEMENT is broken, T hardly can bear it. The cause of the trouble, My girl had a parrot. When my arms were around her, My thoughts love upon, ‘That bird would forever Cry out, ** Stop that, John !" But what should that matter? T'll tell you anon : Perhaps you'll remember My name isn’t John! gw. NOT VERY FAR OFF. Uncle Rufus (on bis return from his first visit to the city, where he had seen a hand- organ) —“ Well, Martha, I've seen somethin’ to-day thet beats Lrrriz Ixey—" Vhy, fader, I Yought you told me dis all creation. “Twas one o' them new-fangled grindstone fiddles, acting prudently, yet it is annoying. 1 was just about to ask you to join me in sampling “Huh! As to that, sah, I see no objection. It is only from broiled lobstah simultane- MISTAKEN GENTILITY. “Ah, those days are gone when I used to take a span of horses and drive in the afternoons through the park ; and the sleighing "—— SYMPATHETIC FRIEND —** Well, and how did you lose your money?” “Lose it? No; made a lot and retired. [used to be a coachman for the Vampyrbilts.”” 7 “>—~ AND THE PROCESSION (f MOVED. =~ ss LJTELLO, major! You don't y H look lively this morning.” “No,sah. Was out with a few of the boys last night. We not only irrigated, but we were imprudent enough to indulge in broiled lob- stah, sah, ‘The combination raised gehenna with my commissariat, and T have sworn off—plumb—for a “Well, well! I know you are AN ELOPEMENT. “You know that you have always called your wife yout life?" “Ves: what of it?” * Nothing ; only a man has just taken your life.” comicbooks.com