Judge, 1897-06-05 · page 7 of 16
Judge — June 5, 1897 — page 7: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains multiple short humorous sketches typical of early 20th-century American satire: **"Base-Stealer"**: A pun on baseball terminology. A player nicknamed "Base-Stealer" is revealed to be imprisoned at Sing Sing prison—he's literally a criminal, not just a skilled athlete who steals bases. **"Discoveries" and "How It Happened"**: Gentle domestic humor about new motherhood and frontier life, with no apparent political content. **"Guilty But Innocent"**: A college prank story where a prankster confesses to mucilage-related mischief he didn't actually commit, surprising his peers. **"Hard Lines"**: Satirizes the financial burden men face supporting women's desires—here, opera season attendance—forcing them to lie about finances. **"Getting Acquainted"**: Western frontier humor about rough cowboys shooting a "tenderfoot" through the ear as a "friendly" introduction. The page reflects Judge's blend of wordplay, social observation, and period stereotypes (dumb cowboys, financial anxiety about women's spending) rather than focused political commentary.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
NOT ONLY A “BASE-STEALER ” THe RUNNER—"I understand that Jimmy Basestealer, the great short-stop, would like to get his release, but he's under a five-years' contract.” Baseman—"* Where is he signed?” Roxner—"‘At Sing Sing.” DISCOVERIES. THE little new angel was having his bath and Ladybird was caressing his pink foot-sole. Suddenly she cried out with delight, “Oh, mamma! He winked his toes begainst my cheek.” HOW IT HAPPENED. Inguiring tourist (in Oklahoma)—“Is Mrs.Bloom- ing a widow in the—ah— course of nature, or by the favor of the court?” Alkali Ike—" Neither way. She's what might be called a self-made widder.” Inquiring tourist— “How so?” Alkali Ike— Her bus- band.was killed in a fight that she had stirred up with et tongue.” Suge GUILTY, BUT INNOCENT. N ONE of the colleges in the west the bad boys stole a large bottle of mucilage and poured its contents along the railing of the stair that wound through the sleep- ing-hall. The head master arose early and descended the steps, gathering in his progress a nice handful of paste. ‘The matter was sol- emnly investigated without result, and finally the chief vic- tim, seeing the hopelessness of pro- ceeding further, surprised his col- leagues by remark- ing,""Gentlemen,we need not goon. 1 wish to confess that Thad a hand in it.” the ocean?” was sublime.” , GETTING ACQUAINTED, First puncer—'* What made yon plug th’ short-hom tenderfoot through the ear, Tex?’ SkconD PUNCHER—"* He asked me what calibre o' gun I kerried an’ I jest showed “im in a friendly way.” PLoppING PasserBy—‘'’Scuse me, ledd: av yours wrile kneadin’ dough excites me sympat’y.” MRS. BAKER (interested )—' PLoppING Passersy—‘* Well, leddy, it remin’s me uv me own bane—allus needin’ dough ; alius needin’ dough.” Why should it?” o HARD LINES. (Found scribbled on am opera programme.) WIEN lovely woman stoops to " jolly.” Because she wants to have her way, ‘The prospect is most melancholy For him, her slave, who has to pay. The only means he can discover (In finance desperately ** shy") To live the opera season over, And not be ruined, is—to lie. QUITE SATISFACTORY, Jennie—" How did you enjoy your trip across Clara —"Immensely. Of course there was nothing to see but sky and water, but the landscape. comicbooks.com