Judge — May 8, 1897 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

314 : uae MISS MARY ELLEN EASTSIDE AND THE BICYCLE. AMIE DARLING eloped and got married to that South American; José Sebastino his name is, and I suppose she thinks she’s cut a watermelon. ‘There wasn't any more need for her to elope than there is for me—jest nothin’ but her romantic nonsense. Dressed herself in her new mauve suit to go to the theatre. ‘They got a carriage at the L station an’ drove to the min- ister’s an’ got married, went to the theatre, an’ when it was out she went home as usual. Her husband went to South America next day to stay two months. She never told her fam'ly for three weeks, an’ when she did her mother boxed her ears, Served her jolly well right, too! Silly little minx! Doin’ us out of a weddin’ an’ a feed. Her mother feels terrible. Says it’s such a disgrace, when nobody was opposed an’ she an’ Mamie’s sisters an’ brothers jest dyin’ for a blow-out. She says they've got to be married over again in shape. José has written that he’s willin’, an’ that ‘Il jest suit Miss Gusher. José writes to his wife every day an’ sends her dead loads of money, an’ she’s made me some presents an’ paid me pretty near all the money she bor- rowed off me, an’ bought her father a new stovepipe (he'd wore his Sundays for ten years) an’ got her mother a new wringer, an’ dressed herself to kill. One day last week she came t’ me an’ said, “Mary Ellen, 1 want t' learn t’ ride a wheel ‘fore José comes back, an’ if you'll go with me Tl pay for lessons for you too.” ood enough !* says I. So we took three lines of street-cars for one fare, one evenin’, an’ went out toa place on the boulevard where aman gives you lessons round the cor- ner of the sidewalk for fifty cents. Well, poor Mamie fell off so many times! An’ I laughed at her so she cried. But I'm the daisy that can learn t' ride a wheel all right. 1 got the HIS JOKE. “* My dear, will you have some of the white or dark meat?” apart to make a slot for the bicycle, an’ him an’ me both learned in no time at all. We're very rapid, when we try hard, we are; and thing geared down as A SURE SIGN. Parson's Wire —"* Did yo" notice dat D Fow! 4 Sa baermeatintant close to the ground as 1 Did yo' notice dat Deacon Fowlah wuz moah loud an’ earnes’ in his prayin’ an’ Sroun singin’ dis ebenin’ dan usual 1 could, an’ kep’ one the curb, Mamie was so mad at me for laughin’ at her that she wouldn't speak to me goin’ home, an’ said that if she hadn't bought twelve * tickets for me she would- n't let_me have another lesson. “Keep the lot for yourself, Miss Puddin’!" I says. “ You'll need ‘em an’ I won't.” Now George an’ Bob has got a bicycle in part- nership that they keep locked, down in the base- ment, an’ got Tommy to NOT A VISIBLE AFFLUENCE. file a key to fit the pad- Fravep Francis—"*Iseed a feller yes. lock. Then him an’ me Liddy wuth a millyun dollers.” took some timbers we Wee EM Wot ot he look found down there and ee aeegaven Francis" Pshaw! Not a laid two rows of ‘em along bit fatter ‘n you er me.” the floor just far enough Erni. (sad/y)— Grace — En good-night.” Tommy was awful good about keepin’ it dark. I had to pay him ten cents every time, though, an’ let him ride besides. One day I was to meet George at Coney, an’ in place of goin’ down by boat I hired a wheel in Brooklyn. When he saw me ridin’ he was tickled most t’ death, an’ we come back together. ADELINE ORVIS, A FACT. SOME actors like t0 carry canes, We know of five or six Whose companies are nothing but A lot of walking sticks. THE REASON. THOSE who marry very young do so because they are not Parson —"*Ah did ; an’ yo" wants ter be shuah dat de hen-coop am propahly locked w'en we gits home, Old enough to know foot most of th’time on ‘kase somebody gwine ter lose er chicken er two dis nite foh suttin ” better. SIGNIFICANT COLDNESS. jack doesn’t love me any more.” How do you know “The last time he came to see me it took him only an hour to say A New sinister | of Mr. next cor charged | simply vilificatic pie with conform! hoosierla densed 1 bites out a pound, Atlantic Locatior Ad signed i signatur remarke other sa still ano convent picture boiler e: the razi * mixte A lea nostrua for us t tain Ni up the nature « of the § —Athe CA o1 comicbooks.com