Judge — April 17, 1897 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

SPECULATION, “Golly ! I wondah how far I'd gone ef dat mew! had landed wif all four legs?" fore last, raised such a large sum of money for charity?” Squam Corners merchant—" Why, at the end of the first act all the people who had paid fifty cents apiece to get in rose and chipped in another dollar apiece to have the performance stop then and there.” AT THE BANK. Clerk— This thou- sand-dollar package counts only nine hundred and fifty. What shall 1 do?” Cashier —" Tell Jones to count Clerk (ten min- utes later) —" Jones makes it nine hun dred and seventy. Shall I report it to the president? Cashier—1 guess not. Tell Jones to keep on counting.” AS USUAL. ss ARE you giving up much this Lent?” asked one Chicago woman of another. “ My husband,” replied the latter simply. TENSPOT’S RULE. SeCIVE me G a kiss,” pleaded Mrs. Tenspot with her husband as she dressed to go out. “No,” replied Mr. Tenspot. “The lips that touch hair- pins shall never touch mine.” HOW IT HAPPENED. Drummer — “How did it happen that the amateur dra- matic perform- ance, night be- and a racing-stable ? a popular entremet. NO PUNISHMENT FOR HIM, (A conversation in the noisiest circle of the infernal regions.) SUFFERING SUBURBANITE (shouting)—" I'm in agony, but you don’t seem to suffer at all.” New-Yorker (toith contented smile)—"* Well, say ; it's a good joke on old Satan, He doesn't know I’m from New York.” Lorp Dasty—"* Naw; didn’t even know he was married. THE KIND SHE WANTED. OWARD PAUL is responsible for this anecdote of Lillian Russell. fair vocalist was lunching at a restaurant and ordered “ floating island,” In due course it arrived, and on its snowy surface three A PERTINENT QUERY, Lorp Stasiy—" Did you heah about Lord Notasent buying a steam-yacht Who's the girl?” The little red ants were having a cheap picnic and wriggling about in ecstatic contortions on the banquet they were en- joying. “ Waiter,” said Miss Russell, “I asked you for an island, but I expressed no desire to have it inhabited. Take it away and bring me a dessert island.” A TIMELY WORK. #* QO. 1 don’t want any books to-day,” she said as she caught sight of the book-agent. “Tam not an ordinary book-agent, ma'am. I am performing a great service to the community by the work Tam doing.” “ What is that?” “1am taking orders for a small volume which gives the pronunciation of Cuban towns and of Scotch dialect words.” “Tl take a copy.” CUPID'S WHIST AGENCY. The beginning of the season —and the end, with Cupid's usual harvest ; but still he has one left who will play solitaire. comicbooks.com