Judge — April 17, 1897 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

256 wHiage RULES FOR THE SUBURBANITE. HEN the Sunday dinner does not come and the Sunday company does, remember that family prayers were a very useful institution in the days of trial and tribulation. Don’t try vegetables. Raise flowers. They're more profit- able. Don't do your own work. You'll save money by it. If your neighbor's cat offend thee don’t shoot his dog. Poison is more gentecl. If you are in doubt what time it is look at the kitchen-clock and then run for the train, Always give the cook her own suite of apartments, including reception-room and two easy-chairs. Always loan your hoes and rakes and shovels, and then employ yourself guessing when you'll get them back. As you discover the defects in your new house don't swear He's got the laugh as well as the money, and you'd just as well Let the hired man cheat you. at the contractor. be cheerful too. ESTABLISHING A PRECEDENT. Niece—" Do you think it is proper to typewrite the signature, Aunt Huldah ?” _ Aunt Huldak— Oh, 1 don't think it makes any difference, child.” Niece—"Then you think I may sign my name to this letter with the type- writer?” Aunt Huldah—" You might, so they can read it.” Niece—" But you told me some time ago that the signature should always be written with pen and ink.” Aunt Huldah—* Did 1? Well, then, if I said so it must be so, niece.” * Yer a loiar !" Yer anither !" MvLroon (dazed)—" Quarther ! MooLey (egually dazed }—** Lave oop, Mulroon. Moolev, yez be th’ betther mon.” Oi'm licked.” ae 7 DISASTROUS SIMULTANEOUSNESS; OR, THE GREAT DOUBLE KNOCK-OUT,. CASABIANCA (NEW JOURNALISM.) ‘The boy scorched on the bicycle bridge, Whence all but him had fled. ‘The moon lit up the bicycle wreck, ‘And the boy stood on his head. A DIVISION OF LABOR. Quest—" 1 hear Newmanne's latest craze is the division of labor.” Edge—" Yes; and, unlike some other reformers, he prac- tices what he preaches Quest—" How is that?” Edge—" Oh, his wife does the work and he gets tired for her.” DIDN'T UNDERSTAND IT. Ernrain—"* Wa-al, I'll be gol- dinged ef I see why they didn’t finish th’ durned steps while they wuz about it, Ef I'd ‘a’ knowed this I'd 'a’ come down the same way I went up last night.” comicbooks.com