Judge — April 3, 1897 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Suche REVEREND MOAKLEY MCKOON ON APRIL-FOOL DAY. HE boys and men in front of Larkin’s store had arranged a silver dollar with a string attached with shoemaker’s wax for their amusement and the elder’s discomfiture; but they yelled “April fool!" too quickly, for he covered the dollar with one of his capa- cious boots and calmly stooped over and, wiping off the wax, dropped it with a musical plunk into his pocket, remarking, ‘April fool,’ eh? It would be a dispensa- tion ob providence ef yo’ was fools on’y in April; but wen yo’ is fools endurin’ ob de whole year roun’ de situation loses its previous sagaciousness. Yo" am de group ob statooray dat wraps up coal-ashes in yaller papah ontwell it looks laik a poun’ ob tea, or nails down a ole coppah cent an’ makes a man break all his fingah-nails tryin’ toe dig it up—dat’s de kin’ ob intel- ligant popperlace yo’ is. Ain’ I seen de sugar-cured ham hangin’ outside de butchah-sto’, wrapped up in yaller cloth an’ stuffed wid sawdast, befo'? Now I gwine toe jes’ buy me a couple poun's ob boneless codfish an’ a extry plug ob ‘Gineral Jackson wid dis yer dollah, Yo" is fools twelve munfs ob de yeah, but yo’ on’y break out bad in de spring. laik Es de measles an’ de shingles.” And amid the confusion the old gentleman slid out with a satis- ONE TOUCH OF NATURE. fal locleana Dinte-museust MANAGER (angrily)—"* Say | what's ai and the il cae yelllog abant here 1a the dreaslog-rocme 7" dollar. THE HUMAN KNOT (apologetically)—" The human To MIGGINS, pin-cushion stepped on a tack.” EVENING CONVERSATION. Mrs, Hohmboddic— The Lightwed divorce-case is coming on this week. Mr, Hohmboddie— Sad affair!” Mrs. Hohmboddie—" Well, why did she hector him so? And 1 don't think she has any case at all, It's disgraceful for a married wo- man to leave her husband—and especially for jealousy. Why, do you remember how angry she was that night when he danced so much with me? Ridiculous Mr. Hohkmboddice—* ut suppose | should dance all the evening with some other woman and leave you sitting all alone? Do you think you'd like it?” Mrs, Hohmboddie—* Ob, you wouldn't do such a thi by Mr, Hokmboddie—* Yes, but if 1 did? Wouldn't you be jealous a little bit?” 5 Mrs. Hohmboddie—* Ob, 1 couldn't be jealous, dear—never! If T thought you cared more for some other woman than you cared for b~ me I'd simply walk out of that door and you'd never see my face again. But I couldn't be jealous, dear—oh, no!” WANTED DIRECTIONS. A POSSIBLE EXPLANATION. Dx, ENpe—" There's nothing serious the matter with Patsy, Mrs, Mulcahey. Mr. Oldboy (soothing baby)—" There, there! 1 wonder what on L think a little soap and water will do him as much good as anything. br migkes the child Gy ao = Mks. MULCANEY—"" Vis, docther; an’ will Oi give it t him befoor or afther ¢@fth makes the child cry so? his males?” Joknny Oldboy—" Well, pa. what else can you expect? He ain't = old enough to swear, CRITICISM. FIs is he?” Hallroom —" Old Ke i : ae arwig says Miss Per- S: = oxide ‘sa fine pian- Pac 2 Ars, Crabshaw— ist.” SE “Why have you cut Topftoor —" Could < 4 oo off my pin-money?” anything be more ab-> E: ; Crabshaw—" You surd? Wh ‘s as deaf asa force me to kerp Lent every year, so you . should be able to save but his eyesight ‘s all E 2 ° > that much out of the right.”” household account ” ACCIDENTAL BRAVERY; OR, PROFESSOR TIMID'S FIRST, LAST AND ONLY LION. comicbooks.com | |