Judge — April 3, 1897 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PUBLISHED ONCE A WEEK. TERMS TO 5 ONTTRD STATRS AND CANADA IN ADVANCE ‘One copy, one year. or $2 numbers One copy, six months, or 26 numbers One copy, for thirteen weeks ~~ Inclading the Cunistwas JvoGE. FOKRIGN SUBSCRIPTIONS —Te alt Soreign countries in the portal union, $0.00 ay. ‘THe JUDGE PUBLISHING COMPANY (Jupcr BuILpING), Corner Fifth Aveou New York, SUBSCRIBERS. © Circulation larger than any other cartoon weekly im the world. 9 NOTICE TO PURLISHERS.—The contents of Junce are protected by copy- ight in both the United States and Great Britain. Infringement of this copyright will be Promptiy and vigorously prosecuted. MB. CLEVELAND to the immigrants—" You are not good-looking, but you can come in.” E HAVE SAID quite frequently that St. Louis is a better town for grand opera than Chicago. eee THE PRIZE-FIGHTER who gets whipped should do his fighting after that event solely by arbitration, JOHN HAY occupies the larger breeches originally cut out for Chauncey M. Depew, and if he isn’t careful he'll get lost. T COSTS this country two thousand dollars a month to keep Sam Jones going. Would he consent to be pensioned off for the same money ? “Gop KNOWS," says Senator Tillman, “I have vitriol enough in me now.” The gentleman f ters himself, It is impossibt to believe that God ever heard of him. THE LEGISLATURE of Ilinois talks of passing the ten commandments as a part of the law of the state, Why not make laws, as well, of Watts's hymns and the doxology ? Mr. ELeriant Mas. Kittnockros— Mk. ELepnant—" Doubtful?” Mxs. RiniNoceros—"* Certainly, A LEGISLATOR of Okla- homa claims attention for a bill against pointed shoes and flashy neckties. This country is fearfully and wonderfully gov- erned even if we leave our own legislature out, N COLORADO a woman superintendent of schools has refused a prin- cipal’s certificate to a man merely because he smokes. this is too mild. Why doesn’t she hang the rascal? A DAUGHTER of Mrs. Langtry who will go on the stage is said to be “a second edition of her mother.” We don’t see how there could be more advertising within the same space. eee . oTHis ASSASSINATION has gone far enough,” said Horace Porter ‘on one occasion to General Grant.“ Let us invite Robert E. Lee to a public dinner and settle the thing there. I'll make the opening speech myself.” SS YVHEN THE ALDINE CLUB was opened,” says a writer for the Critic, “it used to be a favorite joke.” etc. The paper and the writer that are guilty of such down-at-the-heel English as that ought to be spanked to death with their own slippers. Seems to us the Republican party should have been denied, particu- in every instance he confers more glory on the party than it can possibly confer on him; but it is scriptural prophecy that the First shall be last. ** Why have all the other animals in the zoo ostracized Leo the lio: tis parentage is doubtful.” He has four paws.” PROGRESS IN EDUCATION. WO PAPERS in this town have been edited for a considerable period by prize-fighters; and it will not be long before those noble gentle- men will put in claims for the lecture platform, and perhaps the pulpit. We are living, we are moving, in a grand and awful time. THE PROGRESSIVE GIRL. RS, IRVINE of Wellesley college, in a lecture at Cornell, said she noticed that girl-graduates had the same willingness to step up and take charge of the universe that boy-graduates had. Self-confidence is a grand thing. No pent-up Ithaca controls its powers. There is nothing that it cannot do—until it tries. CAPITOLS BUILT BY THIEVES. TVENTY YEARS and twenty million dollars have not sufficed to finish the capitol at Albany. Governor Black says it will be com- pleted during his term, but there are no miracles at this period. They are contemplating a new capitol at Harrisburg. If the methods of this state are adopted by Pennsylvania another century will go by before it will be completed and the state may go bankrupt a dozen times, TWO EXTREMES. ‘THERE IS A KIND of old journalism which watches to see what cur- rent topic is most interesting to the majority, for the sole purpose of omitting it from its news and its editorial discussion. It is a daily rebuke of pardonable curiosity, and it nurses its egotism to the disappointment of most of its readers. As between its extreme and that of the new jourrtal- ism it is to be congratulated; but the journal that omits news is not a newspaper. SUPPRESS HER! HE POOR GIRL who is serving three months in a New Jersey jail, for having whipped two men who had attacked her papa, is doubt- less getting no more than she deserves. In these days no man is safe from the brutal- ity of the existing woman. ‘That person prevents the lay- ing of wires on her premises, wants to fight prize- fights, whips burglars, abuses her husband, sweeps streets, saws wood for objects of charity, lectures, and contemplates piracy on the high seas. LAW- MAKING BUSY- BODIES. T# E MAN of the Michigan legislature who proposes to tax bachelors is consider- ing the propriety of taxing old maids and of exempting such bachelors as have tried to marry and failed. He wants to be just, and doesn’t know how to get at it. The main thing, however, is to get a tax somehow on somebody; and he would do better if he put a tax on the impatience of the public with law-makers who happen to be fools, that source the state would get a large revenue. From OUR FRIGHTFUL BANQUETS. FRENCHMAN who has written a book about us is principally amazed at the number of public and private banquets that seem to be necessary and from which we so surprisingly recover. He states the obvious fact that they are excessively painful to the speech-makers, and intimates that a merciful God must have in charge those of the listeners who survive. But of course he doesn’t know what he is talking about. If he had had the necessary experience he couldn't have postponed his funeral lang enough to make the criticism. OTHER PEOPLE'S MONEY. NGREE wants millionaires prohibited by law from salving their con- sciences by giving large sums of money to churches and charities. The good man would thereby punish, not the unfortunate millionaires, but the objects of their benevolence, and that wouldn't do at all. Colonel Ingersoll presents the better plan of obliging the unhappy rich men to disburse their surplus by dividing it up among the workers who earned it for them. But we must not forget the plan of John Most, who proposes that all large sums shall be distributed in payment of the beer so sorely needed by the struggling millions. comicbooks.com;