Judge — March 27, 1897 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

uae THE BLUFF THAT FAILED. ERVASE was late, and the queenly: girl wailed in agony as she waited. Tempest- uous sobs tore violently through her ivory throat, till her teeth rattled in their well-cemented sock- ets. Throwing herself forward with impetuous abandon, she made a third-base slide for a lux- urious piece of furniture in the corner and fell prostrate, her lissome form sprawling any old way. More sobs shook her into the yawning depths of unconsciousness, and it was eight minutes by the clock, though she knew it not, before she was aroused by a gentle thump on the small of tioned the idol of her pure young affections with lightning glances. “It was a puncture,” he faltered; and her immediate pardoning smile suffused the entire room. Gazing fondly at him with outstretched arms (stretching and gazing simultaneously, that is), she murmured, “One kiss, I prithee, my king!” “Nay, nay, my queen,” he answered in soulful tones that thrilled her with the same old t prithee me no prithees, I prithee. "Tis I should prithee thee.”” Nevertheless, he was about to give her what she was pritheeing for when he started with a convulsive shudder. EG BOTH BLIND. Beccar—"' Kin’ fren’, Tam bl _ Jones—"* Thatsh all ri’, ol’ fell ; som I (hic)— blind, speechless. Letsh g” ‘ome t'gether.”” AN ACCOMMODATING SUBSTITUTE, ; CUtcaco CLERK ( politely) —" This is positively the largest-sized handkerchief we have in the store. Nosky NUGENT (non-committal)—"* Say, pard, p'int me out ther towel-counter, will yer?” “What's that gob in your mouth?" he asked in cold, neuralgic tones. Slowly the rich blood surged upward from her well-chiseled chest, through the usual veins and arte- ries, to the very roots of ber expensive Titian tresses. “Tis but me gum,” she stammered. ‘I forgot | it, een while I slept.” She was well off and he was correspondingly en- ‘S > amored, but he had self-respect. . Sf “Do you chew gum?" he thundered in deep dia- er pasons of magnificent wrath, “You mean, dm I a chewer?" she replied with rip- ples of joyous sisteen-to-one laughter. “* Chewer I am.” He teeled/as the dastardly pun struck him, but, recovering higiself, said with adamantine firmness, ‘ou must give it up. Thg mother of my children shall not chew gum. f Then he looked long, earnéstly, vainly into the very depths of her inch- and-a-half orbs, seeking some gign of yielding. Presently she set her jaws a-wagging, and in the slow, rhythmical con- tortion of her classic featytes he read defiance of his wish, f His bluff had failed. “ Well,” he said at length, “if you are really fond of it take a fresh hunk.” He took a huge wad of the best from his pocket, and as they both bit into it Peace spread her snowy wings again. DAvID A. CURTIS. ONLY HALF WISE. Mrs. Goodman —"Now what would you say if I asked you to saw a little wood?" Rusty Rufus— “Ab, madam, you must not be misled by my taciturnity.” Mrs. Goodman —"Taciturnity? What do you mean 2” Rusty Rufus— “Tsay nothing—but “NOTHING WITHOUT LAKOR,” T don’t saw wood.” AN INTERRUPTED “CARD” LESSON. Mr. Reardon told Mrs. Reardon that she didn’t know enough to ** follow up her hand,” ITS USE. oe EVERYTHING has its use,” remarked the philosopher. “Except the vermiform appendix,” replied the man who does not philosophize. “ That has its use too.” “In what way?” “It gives physicians with an.inyestigative turn of mind an excuse to carve their patients.” A HIDDEN MOTIVE. Cuouty GaLLANT—" Won't you sit down, miss?” Miss CusuLy-—" No, no, thank you ; I couldn't think of sitting down I've been taking skating lessons.” comicbooks.com