Judge — March 20, 1897 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ude IN HONOR OF SAINT PATRICK. Und pud ub your dools vere dey cannot spoil. Vat do you vant on your spade und hoe? T lendt you monish, and you can go To honor der gread Saind Batrick. Dose drei balls stand for der shamrock sign, A freund auf der Irish is Isaacstein, ‘Ven you comes to got aus your dools from pawn, You finds your ungle vears diamonds on In honor of gread Saind Batrick. HOW IT WOUND UP. Cobwigger—"So you were having a three-cornered fight to see which was the best man when the policeman tried to stop you?” Githooley—" Yis.”” Cobwigger —* And naturally you all turned and jumped on the cop?” Githooley— Vis.” Cobwigger—" And which turned out the best man?” Githooley—" Th’ cop.” THE POWER OF SONG. WHEN to us mortals Sarion sings, Who hears her voice all else forgets ; For of our hearts she pulls the strings And we are only Marion-ettes. FIRST, LAST AND ONLY. * Do you remember that night in June, Henry, when you first asked me to marry you?" Mr. Jonzs—"'If you refer to that first, last, single, solitary and only occasion upon which I ever asked you to marry me, I do—and you never gave me another chance, remember.” HONORS ARE EASY. The man who wants to know—" What on earth makes Browne- Jones so uncommonly stuck on himself to-day?” The man who does know—" Why, haven't you heard? It's all over London that Browne-Jones was blackballed by the Sons of the American Revolution.” BARN-YARD CASUALTIES. THE RoosteR—'* You don’t seem to be feathering your nest overmuch lately.” THE ‘PULLET—" No; it is too dangerous. The old horse is in the habit of helping himself to the hay in it, abd -yesterday he included a bunch of my tail- feathers by mistake.” THE MONROE DOCTRINE, WHEN Eliza Kortright married James Monroe He was a blithe young fellow with a hand Of genial fellowship ; he loved his land, But loved Eliza more—and better so: For she was such a helpmate as men go Through life to meet—assertive, tactful, bland. Her doctrine was, that presidents command For what they give—a social quid pro quo. ‘Thus she became a queen without a crown, The first lady of her country, whose dissent Meant death to some ambitious hope—or gown. Ab, woman ruled upon our continent, And looked her legal master up and down, When handsome James Monroe was president ! GEORGE KDGAR MONTGOMERY. SO NEAR AND VET SO FAR. ** Dis sho’ am de mos’ extreem case ob aggrawation I ebber saw !” APOLLO'S LYRE CAUSES TROUBLE. AcQUAINTANCE—"* What are you shooting at that man for, Tke?” ALKALI Ike—'" I sed ter him thet wuz a funny thing thet statoo wuz playin’.” AcQUAINTANCE—" Well 2” I didn't’zacly understand his reply, but he sed sumthin’ "bout