Judge — March 20, 1897 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

194 wv | AN ULSTKR-MAN ON ST. PATKICK'S DAY, SIDE-TONGUES. I SEEMS impossible for true mother-love to ex- press itself in the true mother-tongue. The bare English worde are not large and rich and soft enough to properly convey the gushings of a heart loaded with the sort of affection a mother feels for her child, and from this condition has sprung a side language —an annex to the principal institution—termed in a general way baby-talk. While cold English falls upon the ear like lead, baby-talk tinkles and jingles like little brass cymbals upon a marble slab; it gurgles in its purity as the mountain brook gurgles, and leaps and falls and leaps again as gladsomely. UNSUCCESS! FUL SUMMERS. PLAINTIFF (in breach-of promise suit, who has been asked her age)—"* 1—1 have seen twenty summers, sir.” Lawyer (for the defense)—"* Long Branch, or Asbury ?” Its use becomes a second nature to the mother with her second child. She gushes at the milk- man and gurgles at the son of freedom who saws the wood, and it makes her more or less unpop- ular. No strong man likes to be gurgled at on ordinary occasions. as he enjoys a drink of pure water. Therefore a deep and horrible frown appears upon his face when his wife says, “Papa, oomusdetsum toffy zismornin, an- sum edds ansum topetowasse ittetweety's tloes.” The frown deepens and becomes more hor- rible later. “ Opapa, hasoodotsum moneywizoo todet- cittepet tum newtirties ?” “ More tirties !" snorts papa in a rich bass voice. “ More tirties! Heavens! Is there no limit to the shirts that child needs ?” Up goes the voice of mamma to high C, from which point it ripples down again. “ Hearedweatbidtwossman !_ Donwantodet- cittepet tloes toteepitwarmy !" It sounds somewhat like Yankee Doodle. It is maddening. Papa rushes from the house. But that night a big, strong man stands be- side the little white bed and furtively watches mamma as she leaves the room. She is to be gone but a minute. He quickly bends over the SAFE, He enjoys it occasionally only, 1, SOMETHING NEW, “* The old gal has dropped her bundle. I won't doa ting to it.” «ere, Chakey. Pud on dis life-preserver; der Vat use have I god for id? My I.fe is insured.” form of the small sleeper. “Besse itticheart!" he rumbles, “-Bessepecious — popsittieman Why is it? What is there in the affectionate hu- man heart that inspires the torture of English —that makes it writhe and twist and groan? Idon't know, But I do know that I have no con- fidence in a mother that can- not speak the gibberish. I see no necessity for her using it when she addresses the milkman or the wood-sawer, yet it is better thus than to have none of it. My soul goes out in huge chunks to the orphans who never hear it. My breast heaves with emotion when I think of the helpless offspring of heartless parents who will talk ordinary English words from the start. Tcan’t admire it when I'm in a mood for business. No man can. He had rather talk slang — good old straightforward office- boy slang that makes a hole in the impression-plate of the mind every time it strikes it. So from baby-talk he passes to slang and from slang to baby - talk, and what becomes of ordinary English in the meantime he neither knows nor » cares, Some day the unfortunate individual who has neither baby nor office-boy will be compelled to learn French in order to make himself under- stood of a portion of his fellows, and then— what's that? Side-tongues there too? Side- tongues undermining, sapping the Vitality, con- suming all but the roots of the dear old words he once loved so well? Then must he flee to the small-talk of the first circles, where babies and office-boys are unknown. DAVID M. TALMADGR SOMETHING NEW. But it was one of those dogs with a handle to it, comicbooks.com tr pa 1 os