Judge — March 6, 1897 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A FLASH IN THE PAN. HE editor of The Datly Skirt Dancer had an idea, The thought had suddenly oc- curred to him that it might be advisable to have some news in the paper. So he piped all hands to the captain's cabin. : ™ My lads,” said he, “hereafter we'll print some news every day. Tell the reporters to get some.” “You forget, sir,” said the managing ed- itor apologetically, “that we have no report- ers.” “No reporters?” ejaculated the editor in surprise; “no reporters? Why. who is that man at the end of the hall?” “That? Why, that’s the staff apothecary. He tells our readers what to take when they are sick.” “And who's the man next door to him?” “Him? Oh, he's the autograph editor. He writes communications from exalted per- sonages on subjects they know nothing at all about.” “ And next to him?” “The dirge editor. He has charge of our comic page.” A BUSINESS ANCHOR TO THE WINDWARD. “And next?" ___MINeR—"Say, Bill, what's this {bear "bout your “The stuff novelist. We use him sometimes to fill up when the rest of the specialists ®i¥i") away Yer claim ter 9 sciah | pana (Sa rieg fall down.” mitin’ suicide when I give it to him, an’ he will sartin arter “ Next?” he’s worked that claim a few days; then, yer see, pard, I'll “The how-it-feels editor. That's a woman journalist. She fell off a chair into a tuh DRO, in a pill fet uneral expenses of a legitimate citizen of water, yesterday, and next week she'll have an article on “How it feels to be drowned.’ “That big fat man across the hall {rom her looks like a reporter.” “But he's not. He never got a line of news in his life. He's the sporting editor. He holds the Hoboken bicycle championship medal.” “Who's that man next door to him ?” “The fellow with the evil eye 2” “He's the freak editor. He answered a hypothetical question at the trial of a woman charged with murder, and I employed him on the spot.” “Who's that ghoul-like little fellow in the same room with him 2” “He's the keeper of the morgue and custodian of the chamber of horrors. He spent ten years in Bloomingdale.” “You do seem to be a little shy of reporters, don't you? But, surely, that young man in the little room just outside the door must be a reporter. He doesn’t seem to be doing any- thin He's no reporter.’ He's the boy I hired to tell people the editor had just stepped out.” : For a moment the ‘editor was lost in thought. Looking AN ALARMING FACE, up wearily he said, “ Well, there seems to be no help for it. ,_, RUSSIAN LOVER (with a new hope)—"" Look around at the wolves again, birdie, I believe we may yet scare them off. _— We won't print any news to-day. To-morrow we'll talk it over again and see what can be done,” But next day the editor was so busy with circulation schemes he forgot all about it. News is still a stranger to the columns of The Daily Skirt Dancer. maw crore, THE DESIDERATUM. WEVE engines that no smoke emit, Also smokeless gunpowder ; But when we've smokeless, cigar- ettes We'll crow a little louder. OUT ON BAIL. Urban—" What's your bur- Wy ‘ nd Sub Urban—" Must catch A the four train. Folks to dinner. / sel ceases irae Haven't had time to bail out the SKY-SCRAPERS IN THE TROPICS. dining-room since yesterday's Going up. ** Third floor—all out.” storm.”