Judge — March 6, 1897 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

WHEN TEACHER GETS CROSS. eyes gets black, whack, We chilluns in class sits up straight in a line, xs if we had rulers instead of a spine. scary to cough, and it's not safe to grin, goes in. tricks; ‘The pluses and minus is just little smears tears, goes in. bad ; The lines jiggle round till the chilluns are sad And_Billyboy puffs and gets red in the face, As if he and the lessons were running a race. in— goes in. bright right; The pluses and minus come trooping along The figgers adds up and stops being wrong ; shout ‘comes out. —Florence May Alt. whither bound? When the teacher gets cross the tables all mix, | atlantic City, N. J. And the ones and the sevens begin playing Where cry-babies cry all their slates up with When the teacher gets cross the readers gets When the teacher gets cross and the dimples When the teacher gets good her smile is so The tables gets straight and the readers gets And we chilluns would like (but we dassent) to When the teacher gets good and the dimples The outcast—"* Who art thou, fair daughter, | ers that is a case in point clad so lightsomely these chilly days? And | metal clasps tore the stockings, slipped and | The belated one—"" I'm the Fokes let de debil put a burden on deir backs When the teacher gets cross and her brown | an’ den complain kase de Lawd doan’ help dem | carry When a guest praises de hostess's And her pencil comes down on the desk with a | cookin’ de boy ob de fam'ly knows hit am time toe ask fo’ de secon’ piece ob pie—Mos' fokes dat marry fo’ money look in a few weeks as dough dey had earned hit, but were habin’ sum trubble collectin’ deir salary.—Arkansaw When the teacher gets cross and the dimples| 7%omas Cat, HOTEL TRAYMORE, Appointments complete. Location unexcelled. D. 5. White, jr., prop'r. Ex-Queen Liliuokalani has paid a visit to Niagara, and while’ she admits that the falls The figures won't add, and they act up like sin, | are great she still holds that they don't compare When ‘the teacher gets cross and the dimples] with the one that happened in Hawaii when the props were drawn from beneath the mon- archy.—Mew York Mail and Express. .| Asa specific against dyspepsia and other troubles of the stomach, also as an appetizer and for mixing in drinks, nothing superior to Till she hollows out Nest!" as sharp as a|BOKEMS UITTERS. ** Look here !" said the irate departing guest from a Florida winter resort ; * when I came here you told me that the charge would be three dollars a day. Now you present a bill of thirty- six dollars for six days. How do you figure that out?” ‘That is quite right,” said the clerk. ** The rate is three dollars per day and the same per night. You were here at night also, were you not?"— Pittsburg Chronicle. Telegraph. The * little things" of life in many ways ade much to our comtort, convenience and happi- ness. Some inventive yenius has brought out a clasp for ladies’ and children’s hose-support- He found the old unfastened, and by simply making a clasp with sommer girl whom the wits exploit and am on | soft or cushion button and smooth loop, he my way to amuse the readers of the syndicate humorous columns. paign-lie-that-wasn’t-naile And who may'st thou be, | new ‘* Velvet Grip” Hose Supporter. with thy grim visage and beetling brow?" Tae | sensible idea. eutcast—" Me? Alas, poor me!” I'm the cam- overcame the difficulties, and the result is the It isa |. I've been enjoy- rT ing the fat of the land until quite recently; but THE CHARM OF now nobody has any use for me, and they don’ or not."—Philadelphia Bulletin. t even seem to care whether | die from exposure WINTER PHOTOGRAPHY, The Reverend Sank so that [can enjoy my holidays next summer, The Reverend Sank my dear young lady, Satan never takes a hol day, not even in summer, you know.” Afiss Epworth League—" 1 know ; but then, Satan is used to the heat."—Saltimore News. nonious—""Ah, Miss Epworth, you are working hard for the good cause this winter.” Afess Eptoorth League— Ves, I want to do a lot of work this winter, nmontous —""Ab, but, Home Portraiture, Flash-light pictures of fire- side groups, views of the glittering landscape—all, are easy and delightful with the Pocket Kodak It loads in Daylight with our Film Cartridges or | can be used with plates, Improved shutter, set of three stops, splendid lens. Booklet Free. Pocket Kodak, loaded for 12 exposures, Wxainches, = = = $5.00 Film Cartridge, 12 exposures, 1{x210. .25 Gorast Kodats. | $ 5.00 EASTMAN KODAK CO, Bulls. §$18.00 — rocnesTER, N.Y. "A better Cocktail at = home than is served over any bar in the World. _ ‘JHECGuB= MANHATTAN, MARTINI, WHISKEY, HOLLAND GIN, TOM GIN, VERMOUTH and YORE. We guarantee these Cocktails to be made ot absolutely pareand wellmatured liquors and the mizing equal to the best cocktatle served over any barin the world, Being compounded in accurate proportions, they will alwaya be found of uniform quality. Connotssears agree that of two cocktaila made of the same material and propor- Ii tions the one which is aged must be the » better, ‘Try our YORK Cocktail made without Any sweetening—dry and delicious. For Sale on the Dining and Baffet Cars of the principal ratiroads of the U.S. AVOID IMITATIONS. For Sale by all Draggists and Dealera = COCKTAILS G. F, HEUBLEIN & BRO, Sole Props, 39 Broadway, N. Y., Hartford, Conn. 20 Piccadilly, W, London. Eng. 355 1 gave her roses fair to mark Our silly quarrel’s close. Alack ! and shame! that you should be So treacherous, oh, rose ! For later on I've found that she Will quarrel for the sake Of getting roses that I bring My peace with her to make. —Chicago Journal. You know that Dr. ters is the only genuine, by unscrupulous dealers who want to impose on you with spurious imitations. Aunt Dorethy—"" How many commandments are there, Johnny?’ Johnny (glibly)—"" Ten.” to break one of them?" Johnny (tentatively)— “Then there d be nine.”—-London Spare Mo- ments, Hearing a faint rustle in the darkened hall- way below, the elder sister, supposing the young man had gone, leaned over the balustrade and called out, "* Weil, Bessie, have you landed him?" There was a deep, sepulchral silence for some moments; it was broken by the hesi- tating, constrained voice of the young man— ** she has." —Hartford Times, Somerset Club Cars Rye Whiskey. DISTILLED IN MARYLAND, Acknowledged by Connoisseurs to have no superior. Used by Families, Clubs, Cafés and |) Hotels. Small sample bottle sent free upon receipt of 25 cents for shipping charges. ** Let me see some of your black kid gloves,” said a lady to a clerk latest style, are they?” sl gloves were produced. ‘Yes, madam, plied the clerk only two days.” because the fashion-paper says black kids have tan stitches, and vice versa. I see the tan stitches, but’ not the vice versa.” The clerk explained that vice versa was French for seven egert’s Angostura Bit. | buttons, so she bought three pairs.— Household Do not be deceived | /Vords. i i Rey Do Th EDM. B. BRUCE & C0., Baltimore, Ha, \P2 Sie AI OSES COLE *"Vhese are not the asked when the re: we have had them in stock “1 didn't think they were, Forty years in the market, still booming with greater sales than ever— Cook's Imperial Extra Dry Champagne. Husband —"* What di Aunt Dorothy—"And now suppose you were | heard the chandelier fall in the night?” Wi/e— “1 thought that you had been detained on ‘business’ again and were getting up-stairs as quietly as you could."—Detroit Free Press. you think when you \T CANNOT DE IMPROVED IT CANNOT DE EQuaLleD ff ‘The (HOICEST of all 34 SMOKING TODACCOSI! Send 0c.in stom “for pair of R CELLULOID MARBURG BROS ‘BALTIMORE FO, SUCCESSOR PIANOS Are the favorite of the Artist CAUTION-- The buying pubic will pleat THE CELEBRATED » SOHME R impress NOS. 149 TO 135 EAST 14TH STREET, NEW YORK not confound Plano with one of a similar sounding name of a cl THE ‘SOHMER" HEADS THE LIST OF THE | PIANOS and the refined * S-0-H-M-E-R Matchless in Every Feature! ALIFORNIA. ‘Two tours to California and the Pacific Coast, under the personally conducted sys- r PENNSYLVAMA RAILROAD. Four weeks to nine months on the Pacific Coast. 8 Pullman Vestibule Trains will leave New ‘ork and Philadelphia February 2 and March 27, 1897, (Boston one day eartier.) MAGNIFICENT WINTER OUTINGS of the highest grade in every particular. Round-trip rates from New York, Philadelphia, ‘and points cast of Pittsburg: First tour, $350 : sec: ond tour, $210. From Boston: First tour, $355; sec- ond. $231 | For itineraries and all information of Califoraia, Florida, and Washington tours. apply. to Tuurist Agent Pennsylvania Railroad, 1195 Broadway, New York ; 205 Washington St., Boston ; 789 Broad 8t., Newark, N. J.; or Geo. W. Boyd, Ass't Gea'l Pasi. ‘Agent, Philadelphia. MUU What did you have to do at the civil-serv- ice examination?" ‘* Well, we had to answer questions in chemistry, zoology, physiology, rthography, chirography and mathematics." lercy on'us! And did you get the posi- tion?” ‘Oh, yes." ** What was it?” ‘ Scrub- woman.” — Washington Capital. 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