Judge, 1897-02-20 · page 6 of 16
Judge — February 20, 1897 — page 6: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three satirical pieces typical of early 20th-century American humor: **"They Were Genuine"** mocks immigrant grocers and consumer fraud concerns. A customer (Snickers) interrogates a Jewish grocer (Dinkelspiel, identified by Yiddish dialect) about "warranted eggs." The grocer's circular logic—eggs are "guaranteed" simply because they're genuine hen's eggs—exposes the worthlessness of the warranty. The satire targets both deceptive marketing and ethnic stereotyping through exaggerated dialect. **"Cupid and Saint Valentine"** is a light romantic poem contrasting Cupid's pragmatism with Saint Valentine's idealism about love. **"Ancient History"** and **"Not Fashionable at Bad Buttes"** are brief jokes about Oklahoma lynching and blizzard hardships, using regional stereotypes for humor. The page reflects period anxieties about food safety, immigrant merchants, and frontier life—all delivered through ethnic caricature common to Judge's era.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
THEY WERE GENUINE. NE day, recently, there was quite a crowd in the grocery-store when Snickers went by, and his atten- tion was attracted by a sign at the door which read, “ Warranted eggs, twenty: two cents a dozen,” “Till go in and see about this,” Snickers said to himself. Entering the store and planting himself just back of the line of women and children who faced the counter, some being waited upon and others waiting, Snickers said to the proprietor, “Say, Dinkelspiel, | see you have a sign out- side which says, ‘ Warranted eggs, twenty-two cents a dozen. * Dot vas righd, mein frendt,” replied the gro- cer. “How many dozen vill you haf?” “L want to satisfy myself as to what you mean by that word ‘ warranted.” Do you mean to say that you are selling fresh-laid eggs at twenty-two cents, and that you warrant them to be fresh, and that you will replace with a good one every one found to be stale?” LITERARY TERM. A“ pen” picture, CUPID AND SAINT VALENTINE. CUPID and Saint Valentine Walked, one sunny day, to- gether. Cupid said, ** The day is fine,” ‘And the saint, "'Tis glorious weather.” “But ‘tis winter still, you know,” Said the love-god with a shiver ; “And if it should chance to snow— Thave nothing but this quiver.” “ Why not exercise your art? ‘That will warm you. See how neatly You can pierce yon maiden’s heart With an arrow aimed dis- creetly.” “Tah !" growled Cupid. ‘No, I sha'n't Waste my precious darts upon it, ‘That girl's heart is adamant— Quite as loveless as her bonnet.”* “Gracious me!" the good saint said ; “You have shocked me to the centre, Raise your bow ; aim at her Acad. There, perchance, your dart will enter” VRANCHS A. SCHNRIDIOE listened for the grocer’s reply. ardificial gongoctions, you see. varrant apoud dem. iis WR yan i A by J tf ies 5 AFTERNOON TEA (IN CHICAGO). Will you marry me?" I will, but only for a few months, By this time all the customers had turned about and faced Mr. Snickers while they “No, sir; dose eggs is nod varranted new-laid eggs.” “Then what is the value of your warrant? What is it you warrant about those eggs?” “Mein frendt,” replied Dinkelspiel, “in dese times von can’t be too careful. vas so much bogus shtuff ohf von kind und anoder dot it vas imbordant to know dot some dings are vhat dhey is rebresended alretty. ANCIENT HISTORY. Tourist (in Oklahoma) —“ Has there been a lynching in this community lately 2” Alkali Tke—" Not what you'd call lately, stranger. ago yesterday.” NOT FASHIONABLE AT BAD BUTTES, BLIZZARD Bit.—" Look here, you card.swallower! eve i Now I varrant dose is eggs. Efery von ohf dose eggs vas laid py a hen. Dhey is shenuine hen's eggs. How many dozen does you vant Believe the last one was a week 2 . ry time you sneeze I lose. Sneeze agin you'll find that hay-fever is fatal in this climate.” I've promised to marry Gotrox Dere Dhey is no Dot is vat I WILLIAM HENRY SIVITER, I ain't superstitious, but if you comicbooks.¢dm