Judge — February 6, 1897 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

wipe OLICY am de best honesty,” remarked Deacon Setback of the Abyssinian Baptist church as he sauntered contentedly out of a shop in one of New York’s purified precincts, where he had risked last Sunday's collection money on a suc- cessful “gig composed of the three numbers standing for the words police head-quarters. IN THE BALLET. M'SS LEGGS draws a salary paid for her form, So it's true, in a good many cases, That though she has gotten her money all right, She has been in some pretty tight places. TWO-FOR-FIVE CIGARS, ++ BRIGGS smokes such horribly poor cigars that the smoke torments me nearly out WEE wifie no sympathy having shown Nor having shed the tiniest tear . 1 was guilty of telling her out and out So fancy the remorse I felt And saw through my half-dozing lids my wife— The possession of all feelings deep— the question, ‘ What shall we do with our ex- presidents?” It seems to be a difficult prob- lem,” are so unpractical in everything. If women had a say in the government we would settle president, of course.” “Why, I could list to her all night.” of my wits.” “Yes, the smoke of his torment ascendeth forever.” USELESS. ** They calls that a music-shtool, an’ shure hain't Oi bin a twishtin’ it furst wan in tother, fur th’ lasht tin minits, an’ divil a note do it sing.” DEEP FEELINGS. For the loss of my very best nag, At the death of my good dog, Vag. That her feelings of depth were non est ; When I laid me a-down to rest, The wee wifie whom I had denied Feeling deep in my pockets wide. MAK ST. JOWN-HAMMALL. IF WOMAN HAD HER WAY. He—"'1 see they are again discussing She —"That’s just like you men; you How?" She —" Why, abolish the office of ex- CAN’T HELP HIMSELF. SS YOUR wife ’sa talker brilliant, bright.” “You're right,my friend; that is quite true.” * You're right again ; I often do!” Indignant as little Miss Backseat was, she could not help but admire the physical strength before her husband forced a corner in the banana mar. displayed by Mrs. Spagetti in sustaining that pon- derous, weighty theatre bonnet.— LAW SATISFIED. * Congratulate yerself, pard !" W'ot on?” a Wry, ther boys hev jist lynched yer twin brother, Loco Luxe Bronco Bt Loco Luxke- thinkin’ it was you.’ TWO REMARKABLE THINGS, «6] HEAR that the Reverend Brother Thirdly has refused an increase of salary,” said Mr. Gummey to Mr. Glanders. “Yes, that is true.” “ Rather remarkable thing, wasn’t it? I never heard of a clergy- man doing such a thing before.” “Yes, his refusal was, a strange thing in itself, but the reason he gave for his refusal was even more remarkable.” “ What reason did he offer?” “He said that his present income was quite sufficient .or his wants, and that if he had an increased salary he would have more than he could use conveniently. That would oblige him to put some of his money in the bank,where interest would be earned incessantly on his deposits, and he really couldn't think of letting his money earn interest on Sunday.” ° | A PHYSICAL-CULTURE ExPosf. — But had she seen Mrs. Spagetti a few years earlier, ket, developing those “* sustaining” muscles, her admi- ration would have taken a back seat. comicbooks.com