Judge — January 23, 1897 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

udge OH, WOMAN. ive,” she'd sigh, “To any misery that's nigh, It seems as if my nerves would fly ! Stories of suffering I decry, And accidents that horrify. L envy those who can stand by Bedsides of pain and anguish ; I ‘Am too soft-hearted—why, I'd die !" And once I saw her at the play (The kind that’s known as ** real"); ‘Through five long acts, without a ray Of aught but woe, despair, dismay, She sat—poor soul, she'll rue the day Such wretchedness to feel ! ‘The tears she shed made great display. ‘The curtain fell, she walked away, I stood to hear what she might say— With sobs she wept, “* Ob, if I may But see to-morrow’s matinge V'Ul half my spring allowance pay ; It's twice as sad as this to-day.” NICE TO TEACH. Madge—" wonder why Dolly gets taken out skating so much.” Marjorie —" It's because she doesn’t know how to skate.” funeral ?” Copyright by BJ. JUDGE'S FAVORITES. EMMA RAMES, Music thou art to hear! for all thy singing Ts like the fabled stream of molten wold : And to the eye a dream embod: Rich life yato an idle tale that So dowered, I have fancied that thine art Ts, first of all, expression of thy heart. HIS CRITICISM, A SMALL Episcopalian went with a Presbyterian aunt to a prayer meeting in the church of the latter. He was evidently surpri proceeding: Kamate: ing ? A FORCIBLE SUBSTITUTE, KILmartin —"* Did yez sell Maroney th’ dog he wor afther wantin’ 7" Kittitty — ‘Oi did not! ‘Th’ chump hod th’ narrve t' offer me a maisly quarther fer hit “ Pretty well,” replied the young- ster, “but, aunty, that was a very queer minister. He didn't know hice !" t Ohi 2 d th KILMARTIN Thin yez didn’t let him hov th’ pici but one of his prayers, and the Kituitty—" Oi did not; Oi let him hoy th’ shovel. Oi hod no pick in me people had to say them for him." hands !” NOT ASPHYXIATED, Mx. Havnsex—" That city feller wot ‘sacvsitn’ here sez thet Sally Spriggins w'ot went from here tew th’ city is entirely unsuffisticated Mrs, Haynack—"* Lan’ sakes, the pore gal! W'en will they larn tew turn off th’ gas instid uv blowin’ it out 2” THE. sPECULATOR — “* Ah, pleasure.” A SLIP OF THE TONGUE. THE PRETTY BEREAVED can I ask you to be a pal * My dear Mr. Tompkins, -bearer at my poor husband's with the greatest of GIVEN HER CHOICE. L)TTLE Harry's experience with death was limited to the decease of a pet canary, which had been sent to a taxidermist, and now adorned the parlor mantel. His grandmother, of whom he was very fond, was taken suddenly ill. For some time after he learned of her condition he sat in a brown study; then, as if coming to a sud- den resolution, he tiptoed into the sick-room and cautiously approach- ing the bed, fixed his serious big brown eyes upon his dear relative and said, with a little quiver in his voice, “Say, grandma, if you die which would you rather be, buried or stuffed ?—'cause, if you're buried we can’t see you no more, but if you're stuffed we can set you in the parlor.” Grandma immediately be- gan to mend. ALAS, HOW TRUE! THE inconsistency of man Is not a joke, but real ; The more you sell a fellow for, The cheaper he will feel. HIS STATUS. PEAY AVA HEW! That fellow : knows a great deal, doesn’t he ?” commented Poots y had departed. replied Grimshaw. “Yes, “He knows entirely too much for one man ; he ought to be in- corporated.”” NOT “SENTED.” Small boy —" Mister, 1 wants a bottle of vaseline.” Drug - clerk —"Do you want scented or unscented?” Small boy—"No. VV fetch it id me.’ comicbooks.co