Judge — January 16, 1897 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

WHERE THE MIRACLE Lay, N—" Yor say yo! saw a fellah git suddenly converted once a poker game, deacon ?" “"Yais; an’ it happened like dis, It was "bout one o'clock, Dis fellah was seben dollahs an’ sixty-five cents ahaid, houted out dat he had become suddenly converted an’ was home toe pray SON JOUNSON—"* Lawd ! dar was a miracle dar fo’ shuah, Brudder Jack- Deacon JAcksox: sebenteen cuts on ‘im. Vais ; it was a miracle dat he got out alive wif on'y A FINANCIAL TRAGEDY. ENTERED the cable-car and slowly counted out, one by one, five pennies and handed them to the conductor with such a deep, heart-rending sigh that we all knew he must be a very rich man, While carefully putting his purse in his pocket another penny rolled down to the floor and dis- appeared from view. ‘The wretched man groaned at this as if the basis of his soul had been rent in twain, and we all knew that the poor man must- be a millionaire. The car was crowded, but the millionaire asked us if we wouldn't squeeze up further to- ward the front and permit him to bunt for his cent. We all did as he requested, for we pitied the poor man, and knew that his soul was pass- ing through an hour of deep agony. “Will you please shake your overcoat?” he said to me. I took off my coat and shook it vigorously, for it is not in my heart to wit- ness human torture without making an attempt to alleviate it. “Pardon me, ladies,” he said as tear after tear coursed down his cheeks, * but will you all carefully shake your skirts, and perhaps my cent will drop out.”” A sob choked his utterance as he spoke, and we all knew that he was worth two million dollars, The ladies all arose and shook their skirts, for all their hearts were touched by the abject misery of the man. “Conductor,” he said at length, and a shadow of almost hopeless agony overspread his face,“ will you permit me to ride to the stable and carefully ex- amine the floor of this car when we get to the end of the route?” ™ Most certainly, sir,” replied the conductor ; for he was a very tender-hearted man, and he now felt certain that the passenger must be worth at least ten mill- ion dollars, and that his suffer ings were consequently beyond human comprehension. The multimillionaire rode to the stable and very carefully pried into every crack in the floor, and his burning tears oozed down through each crack as he SKILLED-LABOR A dentist. NOTE. JUVENILE MISTRUST. Scnoor-TracER—"* Kobert, you have been very naughty. (Sepula chrally.) , searched. Kobert. do you know where all bad boys go to?” 1—" Vessum ; but I ain't a-goin’ ter teil an ‘git licked fer At length every crack and cranny was examined, and—I shudder to relate the tragic sequel—the cent was not found! ‘The man’s head fell upon his breast and he groaned aloud. “T shall never smile again,” he said. die.” “Let me go home and And he reeled out of our sight into the darkness. “That man,” said the conductor, “must be worth at least a hundred million dollars.” HIS LOGIC. SAM WALTER Foss. Northern man (in Arkansas)—" If you are doing so poorly why don’t you get more land?” Native—"\t would be a right smart t to git more land when I'm jest about starvi now?” wouldn't it, for me to death on ten acres A MISUNDERSTANDING. Fare WHRATLY (referring to class-standing)—" Waal, Sammy, hev ye got back tew yer old place in college?” Sammy—*" Well, I'm‘ half-back * now, but I expect to be ‘ full-back * soon." Farmer WHEATLY (meditatively)—" Wa-al, I sh'd hev said * intirely back"; but then yew hed orter understand langwidge better than me.” comicbooks.co