Judge — January 16, 1897 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

STANZAS TO CHARLOTTE. EAR Charlotte Smith, come off the perch— The wheel is not degradin’; Nor shall you ruthlessly be smirch Our little cycle maiden. Just come and take a ride with me And I'll convince you truly, However ravishing you be, T'll not behave unduly, Dear Charlotte Smith, depart in peace ; We weary of thy prattle. Our cycle maidens shall in- crease From Salem to Seattle. ‘And by and by, as seasons fly, And you've that tired feel- ing, And dream of girlhood with a sigh, You'll find your youth in wheeling. Ss seer a. rams. SHE MADE A HIT. Ambitious young markswoman (taking aim-at an accom- modating rabbit)—“ Steady, now! One, two"— Friend Marlow (peering unobserved from a neighboring cornfield) —"I bet a cent thee won't hit "— Ambitious young markswoman— Three!" HARDALUCKS ks Friend Marlow (polding his arm in consternation) — ks Brown 1 have secured my divarce (rom my husband. 4 . Jon then what are you looking so glum about 7" “ B'gosh! thee has hit something.” s ‘The judge gave him the custody of the family tandem bicycle.” STYLE FOR THE CORPSE, N ALDERMAN sent an express-wagon to take the body of a pauper to the cemetery. The pauper’s wife drawled out, “Ceaen't y-o-u tack-e p-o-o-r An-dy out ina gla-ss wag-on?” “No!” “Tthienk you mi-ght, It’s the last chance p-o-o-r An-dy ‘Il ever git to ride in a gla-ss wag-on.” FRANK’S ANSWER. Miss Fosdick— Blanche told Frank that he must be either a man or a mouse.” Miss Gazzam—" What did he say?" Miss Fosdick—" He asked if she were afraid of him. She replied that she wasn’t. Then he SARDONIC, said that if such was the case he must be a THe QUARTETTE (simultancously)—* Madam, won't you take our seat?” HIS NATURAL END. THE ways of life are very strange, So often it is found ‘That when a man has gone to seed He's planted in the ground. GOOD VOICE. Nelly—"\ understand you went to the opera last night. Were the singers in good voice?” Mabel—" Good voice? Well, I should say so. Why, you could hear them all evening above the conversation !”” y A SAD FACT. BETWEEN myself and fortune bright Harsh fate has placed a bar, Tecause whenever I'm hard pressed My trousers never are. INSTINCT. Mrs. Goldstein—" Ikey, Tkey! Felix has svallered a cent.” f Mr. Goldstein—" Vot a gread = poy! Alretty he vants to Pc fa APTITUDE OF MATERNAL ‘SCARES.” * zt Moriter (time, 1856)—" Tommie, if you don't hurry and Moruer (time, 1596)—'* Bobbie, if you don't hurry peezness as.apenny-in-der-slot ma- soiie the kindlings Til tell Santa Claus not to bring you any- _ up and split the kindlings T'll have your hair cut so you chine. thing Christmas.” can’t play foot-ball any more.”” comicbooks.com