Judge — January 2, 1897 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

MADE HIM STUTTER, First DEAF-MUTE (speaking by finger-signs)—"* What makes you stutter so?” SECOND DEAF-MUTE (speaking ditto)—"* I can't help it, AN ODORIFEROUS ANALOGY. 46 HIS satanic majesty, wife, dear, Oh, how can you liken your hubby?” Said a certain Benedict, better known In clubdom gay as ** Chubby.” “ For I haven't, you see, by the longest of vamps, To his cloven hoof a semblance.” “* But he might,” she said, ‘* have a cloven breath— And there would degin the resemblance.” MAM ST. JOMNARRAMMALL. STEPHEN SMYTHE’S STROLL. CHAPTER I. G TROLLING seemed Stephen Smyche's specialty. Sauntering south- ward, Stephen sought sunny streets, sight-seeing. Securing satis- faction smoking several strong segars, Stephen saw Susan Swift, sixteen. eet Susan sought society, sterner sex, sequestered spots. She spied Stephen Smythe standing strikingly statuesque, serenely smoking, sighting Susan Swift. Slyly sending scented sheets Swiftward, she smiled, seemingly satisfied. Still smoking, Stephen scanned Susan Swift's six scribbled sentences. ' Smirking, Stephen silently surveyed suspicious surroundings. CHAPTER II, Suddenly Susan Swift's steady, Solomon Slavin, slugger, scenting secret scenes, sleep- ily saw something, Swearing solemnly, Slavin stepped swiftly, scaring stranger. Suspecting serious sensa- tions, Stephen Swift, still smok- ing, sought safety, showing speed, sprinting some sixty sec onds—simply scooting. CHaprer III. Susan Swift, sweet sixteen, sighing, smothered sentiment. Solomon Slavin, Susan’s steady, smiled. Stephen Smythe, stroll er, still smoking, strode silently somewhere. WALTER CHAMP, FINE CHARACTER. Colonel Rounder —" The devil is a gentleman Mrs. Hasbeen. He never denies himself to visitors.” SAY pis whin yez mane no an’ th’ fellies will say yez do be moighty smooth. “WRAPPING IT UP." T fell off my bicycle yesterday and sprained my first finger." NEW-YEAR'S. THE day upon which we conclude to behave for a time, just to show our friends that we could be virtuous if virtue were good form in polite circles. When, after inspecting our finances, we consult our committee on resolutions and make a mer- it of necessity by determining to refrain from habits and foibles we are unable longer to indulge. Also a time at which we make wagers with weak-minded friends to ab- stain from this or that for a definite term, with a moral certainty of winning. The day upon which society grants Hypocrisy his franchise for the new year. EDWARD CLAYTON SAVAGE. MONEY TO BURN, Mrs. Contes (reading)—"* Two huntret ousant tollars gollected to send to der heathen.” Mr. Cones (gasping)—"* Suffering shmoke! Ikey's drumming Ohio. Vire showed surprise. him pack up ad vonce unt send him to Africa.” SUITABLE NEW-YEAR'S PRESENTS? NEWLY-MAKRIED MAN (fo bachelor friend)—"* How's this for a lay-out? All from my dear wife. Of course the slippers and Turkish cap are a bit out of proportion, but the smoking-gown is a marvel of perfection,” comicbooks.com.