Judge — January 2, 1897 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

whiape. PUBLISHED ONCE A WEEK. TERMS TO SUBSCRIBERS. UNITED STATES AND CANADA IN ADVANCE. One copy, one year. or s2 numbers - $5.00 One copy, six months. or 26 numbers - 2.50 4 One copy. for thirteen weeks - = 1.35 a Tncliding the Cwnistaas Jupai FORBIGN SUBSCRIPTIONS—To all foreign countries in the postal union. $6.00 year. ‘THE JUDGE PUBLISHING COMPANY (Jupcr Burtpina). Corner Fifth Avenue and Sixteenth Street, New York. (We guarantee advertisers a larger circulation than any other American satiri- cal paper published. Tae Juvce, Juvae’s Li Bavense de POpera, Pa International News bach’s News Exchange. Me 48, Leipsic, Gert Cabte nda any and Jupce’s Quantanty are all for sale at Brentane's, ‘Smit re Ca leweastle itreet, Strand, London; London: at Sacr- ‘Stephanstrasse (7 NOTICE TO PURLISHERS.—The contents of Jupce are protected by copy- nght in both the United States and Great Britain. Infringement of this copyright will be promptly and vigorously prosecuted. SRE. FINAL MESSAGE of President Cleveland is good for that very reason. OSSIBLY our war-vessels may go out to swim, but they mustn't go near the water. WE FEEL authorized to say that Mr. Depew will not marry until he gets good and—or rather until he gets ready. eee HICAGO may boast, but Broth- er Moody can search out more sinners in this town than in that place and St. Louis together. ALES MUST be a good marksman He killed hun- dreds of rabbits and never touched one of the flunkies who held them to be shot at. THE DISCUSSION of the Fitz- simmons- Sharkey matter re- minds one of the old question with regard to the foul that disabled Mr. William Patterson. eee WHiLe HE THOUGHT he was drowning all of Laure- ate Austin’s old poems came back to add to his misery, and he was almost sorry to be saved. FROM WINE TO WATER. I" IS ABSURD to drape the Boston bacchante up to the waist in water. That is not her element. She comes fresh from a flow of wine that has made her gay and happy. Would any bacchante want to immerse herself in water under such circumstances and with the certainty of losing her hilarity and catching a violent cold? It is not natural. It is not art, A LOGICAL RESULT. Ss? RITISTS attach no significance to the fact that recently a material- ized spirit was found on a sudden investigation to be the medium himself. They say the “influence” necessarily mixes up things in that manner, and it requires time and a few hymns to separate them. And the theory is not unreasonable if one accepts the impossible to begin with, as they do. A LUCKY DEATH, QPDLY ENOUGH, the death of Coventry Patmore is really his tem- porary resurrection, for people had forgotten all about him, It had been thought that he had been sufficiently wept over, and now it has to be done over again. The shade of Mr, Patmore has reason to be grati- fied, however. The man has escaped the abuse which would have been showered upon him if, instead of dying, he had been made poet-laureate, cach to a trust-fund for the benefit _ 7 ~E ofa prize-fighter who is too old to | fight. It is usual to sneer at this | kind of generosity; but the only satisfactory answer to it is to find a like number of persons who will contribute a like amount of money to church or art or science or liter- ature. It is the question of gener- osity that is up for discussion; not altogether the matter of the quality of it. GENEROSITY. OE HUNDRED PERSONS will give one thousand dollars SUCCESS. Two COLLEGE TEAMS made twenty-eight thousand dollars net by a recent game, and thus were able to divide fourteen thousand dollars each among the two foot- ball associations to which they be- longed. All questions resolve them- selves into the question of money. That is what men work for, live for, and die for. And it must be said that these teams not only made enough to pay the necessary funer- al expenses, but to leave a hand- some surplus for their surviving friends and those who admire the cause in which they fought, bled and died. NO GREENHORN? eee HE KAISER doesn't think a soldier should wantonly kill a civilian; indeed, the soldier should use the utmost diligence in searching out a cause for would gas.” PatT—"Av coorse! murder. IF MR. BAYARD would hang up his stocking he might get his New- year's present from the people of England without knowing anything about it. Otherwise he must hang up kis hopes. A POUND OF FACTS with regard to Cuba is given in the president's message. Had there been an ounce of sentiment it would have out- weighed the facts and swept the country off its judicial feet. L®T US HOPE that the civil-sert far. business will not be carried too There are several persons who want to live a few years longer, and it would be cruel to examine them as to the necessary qualifications. OME WOMEN in Nebraska ordered out of town a man who had beaten his wife, and thereupon the wife sued them for alienating his affections. It's a free country, and the right of privacy in domestic dis- turbances must and shall be preserved. Boat-orriciaL—"' To put out that electric light turn it off same as you Oi'm no granchor matches in case Oi wants t' loight. it agin WHAT OF ’NINETY- SEVEN? HE YEAR OPENS with the horrors of Cuba and the Philip- pines at their height. The eastern question has placed foreign military and naval matters in condition for a fight; but the butchery of all the surviving Christians under Turkish jurisdiction may accomplish a sweet though reluctant peace. Happily, Menelek and Oom Paul have whipped the Italian and the English jingoes into a state of quiescence, and John Bull and Uncle Sam have settled their differences; but little Billy of Ger- many wants trouble, and the state of Kansas threatens to secede from the United States. ; but yez may lave me a few HAPPY NEW YEAR? NLY THE DIMPLED INFANT that is so represented might say anything new of the new year, and he can’t talk. His predecessor who has just gone out might have said too much, and he very wisely closed his lips in time to behave at his own funeral—and mighty lucky it is for the most of us, too. The one who is dead’ had on his hands the blood of half the civilized and a small portion of the barbaric world. May the one who is born be happy and keep his hands and his heart above stain and reproach, It is too much to expect, but the suggestion is both reasonable and poetic. comicbooks.com